December 13, 2010

How to Be Charismatic

Charisma is a sexy word and a sexy trait. I believe that knowing how to be charismatic can greatly enhance your relationships, your career and your social life, so I couldn’t pass up writing about it.

What Is Charisma?

Charisma is hard to define exactly, which is why, interestingly enough, many definitions will actually mention that it’s hard to define exactly.

This is probably because there are so many kinds of people, with so different personalities that are commonly labeled as being charismatic. What do Gandhi and Oprah have in common? Not much, but they’re both considered highly charismatic.

That’s just it with charisma: it’s not one trait, it is rather a label we use to describe a wide range of personality traits. Basically, anytime someone makes us feel warm and tingly inside on a consistent basis, we call that person “charismatic”.

The critical thing all charismatic people have in common is a strong appeal to others which enables them to connect with others and influence them at a deep emotional level. For this reason, I think that knowing how to be charismatic is a noteworthy thing. This being said…

Here’s How to Be Charismatic

Now, there may be many types of charisma, but there is a common thread running through all of them. Understand this common thread and you’re on your way to consciously developing your charisma and skyrocketing your people skills.

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As a social confidence coach, charisma is one of the most fascinating traits for me to study. I believe there are five important things you need to do in order to be charismatic.

1. Fucking Relax!

Every charismatic person I’ve ever known or studied is very comfortable in social situations. They are able to relax around people and have chill interactions, or else they are able to fake it really, really well.

Now, I want to emphasize that this is rare: most people aren’t fully relaxed and themselves in most social interactions, with the exception of those with close friends and family. There is a certain degree of discomfort they feel in social interactions. Learn to get over that, and you send out a radically different vibe.

If this is an issue for you, check out my free conversation confidence guide. In this guide, I’ll reveal to you the secrets to becoming confident and relaxed in social settings. Go here to learn more about it.

2. Be Present

Another thing charismatic people have in common is that they are present in social interactions. They’re not in their heads, hyper-analyzing the interaction or imagining where it will go. They are in the moment.

This is extremely important because being in the moment allows you to respond to what’s happening in the interaction in a calibrated and at the same time spontaneous way. Whenever you catch yourself being in your head when interacting with someone, stop yourself and practice being present.

By the way, my free conversation confidence guide will help significantly you with this as well.

3. Listen At A Deep Level

Deep listening means not only paying attention to what the other person is saying, but also being able to hear what has not been said, but it is there. It means understanding the needs certain words convey or understanding the emotions certain body language reflects.

If you want to learn how to be charismatic, this is a skill you simply have to master. A deep interpersonal connection happens when you are listening at a deep level. It’s essential to really pay attention to the other person and read the more subtle messages beyond the simple words.

4. Be Expressive

Charismatic people can convey their own feelings and ideas in a powerful way. They are able to state things clearly, and they use suggestive words that elicit powerful emotions. They also put their voice and their body language into it, thus enhancing the power of words.

This expressive style of communication can be learned. The main thing is to consciously focus on using more and better both the verbal and non-verbal channel, in order to get across your message.

5. Develop Your Social Intelligence

This is a tricky one. Charisma is to a large extent the result of understanding social dynamics, of understanding how people behave around other people, why they do so and what consequences it has.

A person with good social intelligence is able to adapt their social behavior to produce effective results. You truly comprehend how to be charismatic and you can be so when you have a well developed social intelligence.

The five points above are much more than simple action steps. They are each attitudes, habits and people skills in themselves.

You want to know how to become charismatic? Here’s how: You put in the time and energy to get a fine-tuned understanding of these five traits and to develop them.

Charisma is not that illusive trait people make it out to be. It has a structure; it can be learned to a big degree. If you put in the work, you see the results.

Image courtesy of Gregory Bastien

Filed Under: Lifestyle, People Skills, Psychology Tagged With: , , , 33 Comments
December 8, 2010

Overcoming an Inferiority Complex

An inferiority complex is a persistent feeling of being inferior to others in some way. It is usually connected with a real or imaginary shortcoming in physical appearance, intelligence, personality, education, social status or economic status.

I believe that an inferiority complex is one of the nastiest psychological traits you can have. Seriously, it will mess your life up in a sadistic way, as well as your social skills.

Many people struggle with a feeling of inferiority for years, even their whole lives, and this has ramifications in most aspects of their existence. As a communication coach with an attitude-based approach, I have something to say about overcoming an inferiority complex, and this article is it.

First, My Story

inferiorIn high-school, I used to have an inferiority complex because I was very thin. Yeah, I know many people have the opposite problem of being too fat. Well, I was skinny as a rail and I felt embarrassed by it.

Actually, I still am skinny as a rail, but it no longer bothers me in any way. It’s something I’ve learned not only to get over, but also to embrace wholeheartedly. Now, when I see people who have an inferiority complex, I totally understand where they’re coming from, but their state also seems silly from where I’m standing right now.

This is probably one of the reasons I find it fulfilling to do attitude and confidence coaching and help people who feel inferior to others in some way.

The Real Cause of an Inferiority Complex

There’s a big catch to overcoming an inferiority complex: you have to understand its genuine cause.

The apparent cause seem to be the fact you are inferior to others around you in a particular manner: you’re short, you’re fat, you’re bold, you’re poor, you’re less educated, you have an extra nipple etc. However, that’s not the real cause.

You see, we are all inferior to other people in some ways, and superior in others. We all have our combinations of qualities and flaws and overall we’re not that different from each other. My point is that a certain flaw is not a realistically sufficient reason to have an inferiority complex.

The real cause of an inferiority complex has little to do with reality and it has a lot to do with how we process it. In order to get an inferiority of a complex, you have to dramatize in your head the meaning of a certain flaw.

You have to tell yourself that, for example, you are so short you look like a midget, that everybody is making fun of you and that this in intolerable. Thus, you make yourself feel shitty (but the scientific phrasing is that you develop a complex of inferiority).

How to Overcome an Inferiority Complex

Since an inferiority complex is created through your thinking, it is through your thinking as well that you can overcome it.

If you want to learn how to shift from feeling inferior to being confident in interactions with other people, I encourage you to check out my instructional presentation on building social confidence. It will show you my practical formula for boosting your confidence. You can find it over here.

I have worked with clients with inferiority complexes and the way they’ve made real progress was to systemically combat their distorted thinking patterns. This is also what has worked for me.

Basically, overcoming an inferiority complex implies a set of key shifts in thinking:

  • Realizing that any flaw you have is not as bad as you think;
  • Realizing that having a certain flaw does not equal with not having any personal qualities;
  • Realizing that all people have their flaws and most people have major flaws.

And when I say ‘realizing’ all of these, I’m referring to taking them in and making them a part of your automatic, everyday thinking.

Probably the most meaningful shift in thinking is understanding that there is a huge difference between being inferior to others in some way and feeling bad about it (a.k.a. having an inferiority complex).

What Does It Take?

All the stuff you may hear about just being yourself, meditating or visualizing yourself in a better way is in my experience hyped up self-help bullshit and it will do little good in dealing with a complex of inferiority.

Overcoming an inferiority complex requires a scientific and pragmatic approach. The techniques I use in my work on attitude change are mostly from the areas of Cognitive Behavioral Coaching (CBC) and Therapy (CBT), which I encourage you to research.

CBC is not a miracle cure; it is a psychological change system which involves repetitive action, consistent practice and taking things in small steps. If you do the work, you will get the results.

I’ll teach you the most powerful CBT techniques to overcome inferiority and gain conversation confidence in this presentation. Don’t miss out on it.

Equip yourself with the right tools and a lot of perseverance, and I promise you that you’ll free yourself from an inferiority complex. Then, when you’ll look back and remember how you used to feel about certain parts of yourself, it will seem sooooo silly!

Image courtesy of Jarostaw Pocztarski

Filed Under: Attitude, Personal Development, Psychology Tagged With: , , 37 Comments
December 2, 2010

Why Your Job Sucks

Many of my coaching clients are looking to improve something in their careers.

Some of them like their jobs and they just want to take it up a notch, some of them will tell my plainly at the first coaching session: “My job sucks; I want your help to get better at finding a better one, so I can get the hell out of there”.

My experience is that in the careers of many people, there is a big gap between the kind of job they want and the kind they have. Those big dreams they had somewhere in adolescence simply aren’t turning into reality.

If this is your case, I want to take the time and explain from my perspective why this is happening to you. In my communication coaching, I see certain causes manifest over and over gain. Here they are:

1. You Have No Clue What You Want

Unless you’re one lucky SOB, it’s practically impossible to have an extraordinary job if you don’t know what you want. When you don’t know what you want, you’re like a ship adrift being taken left and right be the wind of the moment. This is exactly what happens to numerous people.

I’m not going to say “try harder to figure out what you want”, that would be pretentious. I will say this though: “Try better!” Asking yourself “What do I want?” is usually not enough to get an unambiguous answer. Take a good personality test, get a 360 degrees feedback, ask yourself more specific questions or work with a coach.

2. You’re Head over Heals in Debt

Here’s a very ‘smart’ career move I repeatedly see people doing: You end up in a job where you earn a decent salary and immediately, you take a huge loan in order to buy a big house, a car, a second car, a huge fucking plasma TV and so on.

However, a few years later, once you get over the excitement of the money you’re making, you realize that you actually hate the job you’re in, it offers you no satisfaction it itself, and you want to change your professional field. The only problem is that you’re so far up in debt that you can’t afford the initial financial drop implied by a career change. Really smart Sherlock!

3. You Do Not Take Risks

Getting to a job you find truly fulfilling involves some bold moves. I’m talking about moves such as: quitting a job, asking for a raise, negotiating hard, saying no to a tempting offer, taking on new responsibilities, failing, exposing yourself to uncertainty or putting your foot in the door.

I find that most people are not willing to take the risks associated with these moves. They want to play it safe and make it big at the same time. Well, if this applies to you, I have some disappointing news: life doesn’t work that way. You need to take some risks if you want to get anywhere.

4. You Don’t Know How to Promote Yourself

This is something I keep saying ever since I started working as a communication coach: your professional skills are basically worth nothing if you don’t know how to sell yourself with high impact. It’s a skill required with your boss, your clients and potential future employers.

Promoting yourself is one of the critical people skills for career success. Many people discover this the hard way: by hitting a wall prematurely in their careers which prevents them from moving forward. The sooner you start consciously developing the people skill of promoting yourself, the better it will be for your career and your life.

Each one of these for reasons can be broken down into smaller ones. For example, some people have problems selling themselves at interviews, some at promoting themselves through networking. I’ll leave it to you to discover the nuances of your context.

I firmly believe that we now live in the best world we as human beings have ever lived. There are more opportunities than ever for you to have a prosperous and exciting career. It all starts with taking control of your own steering wheel.

Image courtesy of rashdanothman

Filed Under: Career, Inspirational, Success Tagged With: , , 5 Comments
November 28, 2010

How to Avoid Awkward Silences

Alex: “The last movie I saw was Inception.”

You: “Oh, I saw that movie! I liked it.”

Alex: “Yeah, it was a good movie.”

You: “Yeah, aha…”

And then, S-I-L-E-N-C-E. So much silence that if feels awkward. You can hear your heart beating, you can hear the clock on the wall ticking, and you can’t tell which is which anymore.

It sometimes happens, even for persons with good people skills, to have a conversation that gets stuck at certain points, no one is speaking and it doesn’t feel right. Knowing how to avoid awkward silences is a people skill that can save the day in such a case.

I treasure a conversation with a good flow. Over the years, both me and many of my social confidence coaching clients have tested various tools and techniques to keep conversations going and to avoid those silences that feel weird.

There is also a huuuge attitude component to avoiding awkward silences. The fact of the matter is that people who are confident and feel at ease in social settings naturally find ways to get over silences and create flow.

So before anything else, I advise you to watch my free social confidence presentation. In it I will teach you my proven formula for becoming a charismatic and confident conversationalist. Go here to access it. I promise it will inspire you.

There are three ways to avoid awkward silences in a conversation that are on the top of my mind. Here they are:

1. Think Less, Talk More

There is always something to say in a conversation, a way to continue it. The fact that people who can keep talking for hours nonstop exist is living proof of that. Awkward silences appear in conversation many times because we don’t give ourselves permission to talk.

We are overanalyzing, looking for the perfect thing to say, for the proper line to continue with. When we can’t come up with one, we shut up and just sit there. That’s what creates most awkward silences.

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Learn to stop looking for the perfect conversation and to just say whatever comes to your mind. If you feel like talking about the delicious pie you had for breakfast, do that. You’ll discover that it’s actually fine to let go and talk about whatever you feel like.

2. Get Excited and Curious

It’s hard to have awkward silences in a conversation when you’re a really curious person, excited to discover the other person and willing to ask them a lot of questions.

The point is not to turn a conversation into an interrogatory. However, getting curious and asking questions based on this is, in my practice, one of the best ways to have a good flow in a conversation.

The other person may not be so eager to talk about some subjects. Don’t interpret this as a negative reflection upon you. Continue being curious and trust me, you will discover the subjects the other person is eager to talk about.

3. Keep the Silence, Remove the Awkward

I used to think that in a social interaction, one person must always be talking. That assumption got totally trashed when I started really observing other people interacting and noticing some people sitting at a table together, having a coffee in silence and totally enjoying the interaction.

A social interaction is much more than words. An exchange between people can happen simply by having eye contact or being present together, in the same moment.

Instead of trying to gap every silence, every once in a while to let it be instead and enjoy it. Make silences a natural part of a certain type of conversations. As you’ll get better at this, I can tell you from experience that you’ll really learn to appreciate silences in social interactions.

Always bear in mind to work on your attitude as well. Techniques can only get you so far. I have a practical guide for you concerning this, which you can find here.

The people skill of making conversation is part science, part art. How to avoid awkward silences is something that can be taught as theory up to a certain point, but it depends even more on practicing the theory and on gradually becoming more comfortable interacting with more types of people.

I wish you a lot of fun with your practice. Now, get out there and be social!

Image courtesy of Brandon Christopher Warren

Filed Under: People Skills, Psychology Tagged With: , , 22 Comments
November 23, 2010

Why General Culture Is Bullshit

It cracks me up to see so many people who think that having a good general culture is a crucial thing. They believe they should know all sorts of stuff on a wide range of subjects including literature, art, history, geography and politics.

Personally, I couldn’t have a poorer general culture (although I do tend to create the peculiar impression that I know a lot of stuff). My standard answer to a question such as “When did Napoleon invade Russia?” is, depending on my mood, either “On a beautiful morning” or “Don’t know, don’t care”.

Furthermore, as I don’t try to improve in this area, you can imagine I don’t give general culture a lot of value, as opposite to the high value I give good people skills. Here’s why:

General Culture Is Not Practical Knowledge

Most of the knowledge considered to be a part of your general culture has a practical use that stops at superficial conversation. Beyond that, there isn’t much you can do with it. When did knowing the best neoclassical painters practically help for someone, apart from a guide in an art museum?

Sure, there are principles and concepts in various fields that are of practical use to us in everyday life. I believe it’s good to know about the Pareto Principle or the best social media websites. However, that’s not the kind of knowledge general culture is mostly about.

Skills Trample Knowledge

I think I say something like this almost every day: quit reading; start doing! Even practical knowledge has little value if it’s not assimilated and developed into a skill or an attitude. This assimilation process is not based on reading, it’s based on practicing.

It is your skills and attitudes that make you a successful professional, a charismatic person or a great leader; not your general culture. And developing skills effectively means, in my experience, about 5% absorbing information and 95% applying it repeatedly.

This is why it doesn’t surprise me that the most cultured people I know are fairly unsuccessful.

General Culture Makes Boring Conversation

Have you taken part lately in a conversation on German poetry or something like that? Whenever I am, my mind is screaming: “Get me out of here!” and I obey it. It’s no wonder that such conversations are habitually called ‘small talk’.

I find that a conversation on a particular subject in the area of general culture is only interesting if all the persons involved have a strong interest and thirst for knowledge on that particular subject. This, of course, rarely happens. Like it on not, many people would rather discuss relationships than the political system in Ethiopia.

If You Think It Makes You Interesting, You’re in for a Big Surprise

Another idea I consider outdated is that demonstrating a vast general culture will impress others, because it is a very attractive trait.

First of all, the only people you’re gonna truly impress are my grandma and her girlfriends. Secondly, if you want to play this angle, there are a lot more attractive traits than knowing a lot of shit. Consider traits like wits, confidence, people skills and authenticity; these are the ones that give you an edge in social interactions.

It Gets Worse

That part of me that provides communication coaching for a living can’t help but notice that many times, using your general culture as the base in making conversation is a way of hiding oneself. If you’re talking about stuff, you’re not talking putting yourself out there. That doesn’t make you charming, it makes you boring.

I’m sure that at one point in our history, knowing the history of many countries was a very important thing. I suspect it was a way to separate the upper class from the common people who didn’t even have access to that kind of knowledge.

Today on the other hand, general culture, at least in the traditional way of defining it, doesn’t do squat for you. Maybe that’s a sign we need to either leave this concept behind, or reinvent it.

Image courtesy of practicalowl

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Success Tagged With: , , 27 Comments
November 18, 2010

10 Effective Communication Tips from 10 Awesome Online Communicators

In the past year, I’ve had the privilege of interacting with some of the best online communicators and personal development bloggers out there.

What impressed me the most about them is this: not only do they share wisdom about career, success, life, and people skills, but they do so in a high-impact communication style, built around their unique personalities.

Therefore, I’ve asked 10 awesome online communicators I know to provide some insights into both online and offline communication, by answering one fundamental question:

What is one key lesson about effective communication that you’ve learned?

The following are their answers.

Mars Dorian

Blog: Mars Dorian; Follow Mars on Twitter

The most important thing that I have learned is to appeal to people’s self-interest. This doesn’t sound very romantic, but it rocks beyond belief. Walking in the shoes of the person I’m communicating with is super-helpful. I always ask myself: Why should they care? What’s in it for them?

And whenever I follow this principle, I enjoy a conversation that is both high quality and valuable. Find a common ground which rocks for both of you. If you do, you are in for a treat!

Dragos Roua

Blog: Dragos Roua; Follow Dragos on Twitter

Listening is the key, if you want to communicate effectively. Listening to what your partner is saying, not to what you’re hearing. Many of the messages we get are unconsciously filtered by our own life experiences. Take a step back, look at yourself from a distance and you’ll have a better understanding of the conversation.

Listen to yourself also. Maybe you want to say something but your brains are just cheating on you. Stay there, be in the moment and pay attention to what you are saying. Truth is, a big part of our conversation “noise” is self-generated. So, the more you clean up your own lenses, the clearer the conversation you’ll generate will be.

Dirk De Bruin (Diggy)

Blog: Upgrade Reality; Follow Diggy on Twitter

I feel that effective communication is about simplicity and specific instructions or details. The less words you need to use and the less complicated those words are to bring your point across, the easier other people will understand. If something is easy to comprehend, people will pay attention and are more likely to engage with you or become your follower.

Also, the more specific you are, the better it is. Vagueness brings about confusion which is bad for effective communication (although it can be good for marketing purposes).

Steven Aitchison

Blog: Change Your Thoughts; Follow Steve on Twitter

The one key lesson I have learned about communicating online is to write how you speak.

Readers want to read writing that is genuine, and comes from the heart. They don’t mind the informal tone, a few missing commas, a few swear words here and there, as long as it comes from the heart.

We live in a world where everything has to be perfect for it to be any good, but when readers come across writing that is from the heart, passionate, and helpful it is like talking with a real person.

The art of being human is being lost to the art of being perfect. I am not perfect; my readers know this, so why pretend to be perfect. When I come across writing that is genuine, is from the heart and downright honest, I subscribe immediately. We want to read about writers who are doing extraordinary things, and we want to know that we can be extraordinary too – genuine communication can achieve this.

Annabel Candy

Blog: Get In The Hot Spot; Follow Annabel on Twitter

I used to teach English as a foreign language. Often I’d teach students from different countries with no language in common. It’s amazing how much you can communicate with people using only facial expressions, images and gestures. But when we communicate online, usually conversational clues like facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice have been removed so we need to make sure our writing and meaning is very clear.

Use simple language online and short sentences to get important information over fast. Good communication is about being clear and leaving no room for misunderstanding. Don’t expect your readers to be mind readers. If you want them to take certain actions like leaving a comment, telling a friend about your blog or giving you a call to make an appointment you need to remind them to do so using short, clear and simple language. Your readers will love you for it and by making your message easier to understand you make it easier for people to share too.

Jonny Gibaud

Blog: The Life Thing; Follow Jonny on Twitter

We were given two ears and one mouth, this was not a mistake. Good communication is about actively listening twice as much as you talk.

Matthew Needham

Blog: The Big Red Tomato Company; Follow Matthew on Twitter

To my mind creating high impact communication is all about consistency. Not only in verbal communications, but also in images, videos etc. For example, it is no good promoting yourself as a clean living health guru, when your Facebook page and YouTube videos would suggest otherwise.

Too many people and organizations say one thing, but do another. Take Enron. Enron had the values of communication, respect, integrity and excellence which were posted on its website and its corporate corridors, but history shows us, no one believed them because no one followed them. If your readers or employees don’t see a consistent message, then you won’t get the results you’re expecting.

Srinivas Rao

Blog: The Skool of Life; Follow Srini on Twitter

The Power of Effective Listening: One of the biggest criticisms I received in the early days of interviewing people was that I didn’t listen. I would interrupt the guests on my podcast. I’d be eager to talk about my own ideas. I even got a comment from somebody once that said “god…you’re eager to talk about yourself.” In my own insecurity I trashed the comment. Fortunately I also took it to heart because I did want to improve.

Today BlogcastFM interviews have turned out to be valuable resource for bloggers and people say that I tend to get a ton of information about people in a really short amount of time. That all comes down to listening. If you just shut up and listen, people will tell you everything you want to know. In the 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene said that the person who is saying the least is a much more powerful communicator. So shut up for a while, and you’ll be amazed at what happens. (I know, ironic coming from one of the chattiest personalities in the blogosphere).

Farnoosh Brock

Blog: Prolific Living; Follow Farnoosh on Twitter

It’s not easy to pinpoint a single lesson on effective communication when so much goes into mastering this skill. Nonetheless, if I had to pick, the key lesson I have learned is to know and understand your audience, small or large, single person or a crowded room. You need to shape your message, your tone of voice, your delivery and your style to the particulars of that audience for the most effective results.

Learn about the needs and desires of your audience. Understand what is important to them. Listen carefully to them. Watch for cues and gestures and expressions they send. Then adjust your communication style to the sum of these attributes and you will be surprised by how well-received you shall be.

Arvind Devalia

Blog: Make It Happen; Follow Arvind on Twitter

The key lesson about effective communication that I have learned is to be authentic and to come from the heart.

People really get it when I am being totally present, honest and vulnerable and when I am willing to show them my human side. At the end of the day, they want to know that I am also just another human being like them with my own challenges, shortcomings and quirks, rather than some high-achieving superman. This of course applies to both my online writing and in my face to face interactions.

To summarize, there is no secret really to effective communication – just be yourself, be authentic and be willing to be vulnerable.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So there you have it folks: 10 lessons about clarity, simplicity, priority, consistency and authenticity as ways towards effective communication. If you want to find out more from these fine bloggers, I encourage you to follow them on Twitter and to check out their blogs.

Image courtesy of joshfassbind

Filed Under: Communication Skills, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , , , , 21 Comments
November 14, 2010

What Do You Do For a Living? The Better Way to Answer

“What do you do for a living?” – I ask him eager to do some chill networking. As I say this, my mind is automatically thinking: “Here comes another crappy answer I’ll have to work with”.

You might say that’s pessimistic of me; I say it’s more of an educated guess. It’s not that they’re not a lot of people out there with interesting jobs they’re passionate about. It’s just that they haven’t learned or haven’t considered the people skill of talking about them in a powerful way.

You see, answering “What do you do for a living?” in a stylish way is a great method to get the other person interested in the conversation, in your person, and to brand yourself. As a communication coach, there are a number of things I find important in answering this question.

Use a Suggestive Title for What You Do

It’s not important to use the exact job title in your job description in a conversation, even if it’s a business conversation. I sometimes meet a person who according to the JD is an ‘Executive Assistant’, but their job is much more of an HR job. ‘HR Assistant’ works a lot better as a title for them.

The point is to use a job title that realistically reflects the nature of the things you do in your job or the type of impact you have.

There is one answer to “What do you do for a living” that I find particularly bad: “I’m a consultant”. That doesn’t tell me shit about your job! They’re a zillion consultants out there.

Be Memorable

Some titles, they may be suggestive for what you do, but they simply aren’t remarkable in any way. Of course, there are plenty of ways to be memorable; you don’t need to desperately seek being memorable through your job title, but it is certainly a big bonus, especially in jobs where personal branding matters the most.

This is why I encourage you to use a memorable title for your job. Alain Cardon could have called himself a ‘Life Coach’, but he calls himself a ‘Breakthrough Catalyst’. Mars Dorian could have called himself a ‘Blogger’ but he calls himself a ‘Digital Crusader’. These are the kind of titles that stand out and they stick.

Follow-Up with an Exciting Explanation

After you’ve said your job title to answer the question, do not stop there. A title may be cool, suggestive and sexy, but it’s still only a title.

You want to do is continue with a short and powerful description of your job. Again, it’s important to remain clear and memorable. Some things to consider adding to this description are:

  • What you do exactly. Ex: “I speak on the area of Customer Service at conferences all over the world”.
  • What practical benefit you create: Ex: “I help organizations improve they way they interact with their customers and increase customer loyalty”.
  • Why what you do is important for you. Ex: “I believe that good results start with good customer service”.

But Eduard, What If I Have a Job I Hate and I Don’t Want to Talk About?

For this not so uncommon scenario, the first significant thing I can tell you is that you’d better at least have an aim for a different career and know what that career is.

Based on this, when you answer the question you can name your current job and then quickly move on to talking about the job you’re aiming for.

You may say something like: “I now work as a Sales Agent in an FMCG company, but I’m training to become a Career Coach. I have a passion for helping people find their way”.

The more you master your people skills and the better you present yourself, the more you “attract” all sorts of remarkable people and breathtaking career opportunities. And it often all starts with answering in style one simple question.

Image courtesy of Lucid Dreams

Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , , , 14 Comments
November 9, 2010

Free Coaching Worth Over $1000 (Bloggers Eligible)

Every once in a while, I get this drive to boldly go where no coach has gone before in helping people put their best foot forward in communication.

I’m officially launching a project through which I intend to kill two birds with one stone: coach some cool people and help increase awareness about the importance of good people skills.

In short: I’m giving away free coaching worth over $1000 to the 3 bloggers that impress me the most with a people skills article on their blog. Now for the long story…

The Prize

Three smarter-than-the-average-bear bloggers will win an individual communication coaching program with me. Every program includes 5 coaching sessions of 60 min. each, and it will take place via Skype. Together, the 3 coaching programs are worth over $1000.

You will definitely be interested in such a coaching program if any of the following changes are relevant to you:

  • Improving your confidence or self-esteem;
  • Crushing limiting beliefs like a bug;
  • Learning how to better communicate in the workplace;
  • Advancing in your career;
  • Promoting you, your services or your business in a powerful way;
  • Developing your conversation skills and your social life;
  • Building healthy relationships with other people;
  • Improving your blog, social media use and online brand.

I can tell you from many previous experiences that if you commit to the program, in 5 coaching sessions (5 hours of coaching), you can create a significant shift in one key area of your life.

Why Bloggers?

In order to be eligible for winning the prize, you need to an active blogger. When I say ‘active blogger’ I mean that:

  • You own a blog and you write on it periodically (al least two times each month);
  • You have written at least 20 posts on your blog.

I’ve decided to make this prize available for bloggers only for two reasons:

Bloggers are influencers. They express themselves in writing, they build tribes and they spread the word online on various topics. This is particularly relevant for me as I also aim through this project to encourage spreading the word on communication and people skills.

Blogger are givers. They share their experiences, their know-how and themselves, they help people learn and they often put a smile on their face. I always believe that if I give something, it’s better I give it to others who give themselves rather than to those who simply need.

How to Enter the Competition

There are 3 essential steps to entering the competition for the free coaching.

Step 1: The article. Write and publish on your blog a post (article) in which you share with your readers one or more personal experiences and one or more key lessons on people skills that you’ve learned from them.

Note: The article must be written in fluent English. I will automatically disqualify any article that isn’t. Also, only one article is allowed from each blogger.

Step 2: The footer. At the end of the post, add the following line, with the two links to this blog included:

I wrote this article as part of a collaborative project for increasing awareness about the importance of people skills. This project is initiated by People Skills Decoded.

Step 3: The email. After you’ve published the post, contact me by email and let me know about it. I’ll reply to your email and confirm that you’re in the competition.

The Rating System

I will rate each article based on four criteria:

  1. The personal story/ stories is/ are inspirational and convey the messages well;
  2. The lesson/ lessons drawn from them is/ are well explained, practical and insightful;
  3. The article is written in a clear, easy to read and high-impact style;
  4. The article gives me a tingling feeling.

The point is this:

Show me that you’ve learned something valuable related to people skills on your own, eloquently share it on your blog to teach others, and I’ll help you take your people skills to the next level.

If you want to increase your chances of rating well, I advise you to read some of the articles I wrote on this blog, to get a better idea of the kind of content I find valuable.

Based on the 4 criteria above, I will pick 3 articles as the best and I’ll declare the bloggers who wrote them the winners of the free coaching programs.

Deadline: December 22, 2010.

Then, on December 25 (Christmas Day), 3 bloggers will receive a special present from me: an email announcing them as the winners of the competition. I will also post the news on People Skills Decoded on the same day, and link to the winning articles.

If you want to keep updated with this project, I encourage you to subscribe to this blog, follow me on Twitter or add me on Facebook.

Put your life experience and your writing skills to good use and you’ll start the New Year working one-on-one with me in an awesome communication coaching program.

I’m look forward to reading your article.

Image courtesy of Zephyrance

Filed Under: News, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , , , , 20 Comments
November 4, 2010

Handling a Stupid Boss

Due to a combination of bad decision making and too much trust in people’s potential, teams and organizations often end up with a stupid boss in charge. It’s not uncommon for them to exist even in reputable corporations, which take pride in the quality of their management.

A stupid boss is a person in a managerial position who does not have the level of intelligence required to do their job well. They have trouble understanding intricate realities, they can’t follow complex logic with more than two variables involved, and they simply don’t get it.

Handling a stupid boos takes, in my view, a special set of people skills. It also requires using intelligence to combat unintelligence. Here are the most important ways to handle a stupid boss.

1. Intimidate them with your intelligence

If you prove a stupid boss that you’re simply smarter than they are, they will often feel a bit threatened and try to sabotage you. However, if you prove them that you’re a lot more intelligent than they are, than they will be really afraid to mess with you. Who knows what you can do to them and their comfortable managerial position?

Do not hesitate to use various opportunities and prove a stupid boss that you are so smart you’re out of their league. Use big words and intricate reasoning when talking with them, and act like this is the standard for you.

2. Do it your way, and then explain yourself using complex logic

The big problem with a stupid boss is that they’ll often make stupid decisions and then ask you to implement them. When this happens, say you’ll do things according to their decision, and then do them according to yours.

When your boss asks you why you’ve disobeyed them, explain yourself using words and logic that are above them. Say something like: “I was backtracking my steps on the CRM process and I realized a divergent approach with this report would emphasize the project’s collateral benefits in terms of ROI.”

Then watch them stare blankly at you. They have no idea what you said, but they don’t want to look stupid either, so they won’t acknowledge this. Vanity is common in stupid people. They’ll probably just say: “Aaa, OK. Well next time, do things like I tell you to”. Agree, then next time repeat the same process.

3. Appeal to their emotions

Since a stupid boss is not able to follow complex logic, it is often best to push their emotional buttons in order to influence their decisions. When you propose them the implementation of a certain project, don’t bother to try and persuade them with arguments.

Instead, tell them something like this: “I went to talk to Tim (your boss’s boss) about this project and he thinks it’s a great idea.” If it’s important for your boss to please Tim, that’s all you’ll need to convince them.

4. Use simple logic, simple words

If you truly feel the need to convince a stupid boss using logic, facts and arguments, then strip them to their bare essentials before using them. It’s a reflection of malleability and good people skills. Imagine you’re talking with a caveman who is not familiar with big words and advanced logic: “This… line; this… circle”.

Simplicity is king when trying to persuade a stupid boss. Try anything above that and you’ll lose them. Then all you’ll hear from them is: “I don’t find your arguments compelling enough” (translation: “I have no clue what you’re talking about”).

Last but not least, keep in mind that no matter how good your people skills for dealing with a stupid boss are, it’s always better to deal with a smart one instead. So if you often find yourself needing to trick your boss using your superior brainpower in order to get your way, maybe it’s time to look for another job.

Image courtesy of Arno & Louise Wildlife

Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Relationships Tagged With: , , 10 Comments