An attention whore can be a pain in the ass. This person (either man or woman), due to their deep-seated need for validation from others, will often try aggressively to takeover any social setting.

Their extraversion, theatricality, verbal skills and desperate desire to woo people often makes an attention whore quite loud, pushy and annoying. You just want to either get them to shut up and chill once in a while, or to hit them with a blunt object.

Unfortunately, most of the impulses we may have when dealing with an attention whore will not yield positive results. There are however, effective strategies to handle an AW. Here are the four that, in my experience, work best.

1. Start with a Reality Check

First off, ask yourself this question: “Is this person’s attitude bothering me because 1) they’re loud and aggressive, or because 2) they’re getting more attention from others than me?”

You see, I frequently notice that shy people have a problem with attention whores due to envy. An attention whore is outgoing and social, which is something they’re not. An AW often grabs attention in group settings, while they’re getting ignored.

If the second answer to the question above applies in your case, then the best strategy is not to try and disarm the attention whore. The best strategy is to focus on becoming more outgoing. The AW may make it hard for you to be social, but they are not truly the issue here. You are.

2. Ignore, Divide and Conquer

I think that one of the worst things you can do is to give or appear to give your full interest to an attention whore. This only feeds their exacerbated sense of entitlement and makes them even more obnoxious.

You want to moderate the AW and you do this by habitually ignoring them. This means that you’ll sometimes phase out while they’re talking, act as if you don’t care very much, even interrupt and start talking over them. Be assertive; don’t get trapped in mindless conversation.

In group settings, one of the best things you can do is to divide and conquer. Let’s say you’re in a set of five people and one of them is an attention whore. While the AW is talking, turn towards one of the people next to you and start a conversation with them. Thus, you’re breaking the group into subgroups and dividing the attention.

3. Tease Them

One strategy I particularly enjoy using with attention whores is to verbally indicate their tendency to take over a conversation and to tease them about it. For example, I’ll say something like: “Wow! You sure like to talk! Have you’ve been talking for like 30 minutes straight?”

This strategy works wonders because it subtly suggests that the other person is an AW, that you know it and that you’re not going to tolerate it. This kind of confident and clever humor is more effective than becoming aggressive, and a lot more effective than simply shutting up.

4. Let Them Go

In the long term, I think the proper thing to do with a true attention whore is to let them out of your life. All the drama and the struggle of dealing with an AW are not worth it. Cut them out of your social circle.

Occasionally, this is harder to do because your social circles overlap, or you’re in the same department at work or something like that. However, even is such cases, you can find smart ways to manage social dynamics and not deal with them too often.

The one thing you don’t want to do is go into a never-ending psychological battle with an attention whore, trying to outsmart them, dominate them, ruin their reputation or steal their attention. You’ll only end up looking really insecure or an attention whore yourself.

My belief is that a fulfilling interpersonal life gravitates around emotionally healthy people. This is the kind of person you want to be and the kind of persons you want to surround yourself with. Any other way simply will not do.

Image courtesy of Rooney