Charisma is a sexy word and a sexy trait. I believe that knowing how to be charismatic can greatly enhance your relationships, your career and your social life, so I couldn’t pass up writing about it.

What Is Charisma?

Charisma is hard to define exactly, which is why, interestingly enough, many definitions will actually mention that it’s hard to define exactly.

This is probably because there are so many kinds of people, with so different personalities that are commonly labeled as being charismatic. What do Gandhi and Oprah have in common? Not much, but they’re both considered highly charismatic.

That’s just it with charisma: it’s not one trait, it is rather a label we use to describe a wide range of personality traits. Basically, anytime someone makes us feel warm and tingly inside on a consistent basis, we call that person “charismatic”.

The critical thing all charismatic people have in common is a strong appeal to others which enables them to connect with others and influence them at a deep emotional level. For this reason, I think that knowing how to be charismatic is a noteworthy thing. This being said…

Here’s How to Be Charismatic

Now, there may be many types of charisma, but there is a common thread running through all of them. Understand this common thread and you’re on your way to consciously developing your charisma and skyrocketing your people skills.

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As a social confidence coach, charisma is one of the most fascinating traits for me to study. I believe there are five important things you need to do in order to be charismatic.

1. Fucking Relax!

Every charismatic person I’ve ever known or studied is very comfortable in social situations. They are able to relax around people and have chill interactions, or else they are able to fake it really, really well.

Now, I want to emphasize that this is rare: most people aren’t fully relaxed and themselves in most social interactions, with the exception of those with close friends and family. There is a certain degree of discomfort they feel in social interactions. Learn to get over that, and you send out a radically different vibe.

If this is an issue for you, check out my free conversation confidence guide. In this guide, I’ll reveal to you the secrets to becoming confident and relaxed in social settings. Go here to learn more about it.

2. Be Present

Another thing charismatic people have in common is that they are present in social interactions. They’re not in their heads, hyper-analyzing the interaction or imagining where it will go. They are in the moment.

This is extremely important because being in the moment allows you to respond to what’s happening in the interaction in a calibrated and at the same time spontaneous way. Whenever you catch yourself being in your head when interacting with someone, stop yourself and practice being present.

By the way, my free conversation confidence guide will help significantly you with this as well.

3. Listen At A Deep Level

Deep listening means not only paying attention to what the other person is saying, but also being able to hear what has not been said, but it is there. It means understanding the needs certain words convey or understanding the emotions certain body language reflects.

If you want to learn how to be charismatic, this is a skill you simply have to master. A deep interpersonal connection happens when you are listening at a deep level. It’s essential to really pay attention to the other person and read the more subtle messages beyond the simple words.

4. Be Expressive

Charismatic people can convey their own feelings and ideas in a powerful way. They are able to state things clearly, and they use suggestive words that elicit powerful emotions. They also put their voice and their body language into it, thus enhancing the power of words.

This expressive style of communication can be learned. The main thing is to consciously focus on using more and better both the verbal and non-verbal channel, in order to get across your message.

5. Develop Your Social Intelligence

This is a tricky one. Charisma is to a large extent the result of understanding social dynamics, of understanding how people behave around other people, why they do so and what consequences it has.

A person with good social intelligence is able to adapt their social behavior to produce effective results. You truly comprehend how to be charismatic and you can be so when you have a well developed social intelligence.

The five points above are much more than simple action steps. They are each attitudes, habits and people skills in themselves.

You want to know how to become charismatic? Here’s how: You put in the time and energy to get a fine-tuned understanding of these five traits and to develop them.

Charisma is not that illusive trait people make it out to be. It has a structure; it can be learned to a big degree. If you put in the work, you see the results.

Image courtesy of Gregory Bastien