I don’t believe in good language and bad language. I also don’t believe in good people and bad people. I’m not interested in broad labels and I try not to judge things or people based on them, but on factual results.
Personally, I don’t have any problem with words like ‘fuck’, ‘shit’ and so on (as you can tell). If they serve a purpose, I use them when I write articles, deliver speeches or make conversation. I have internalized all kinds of language, from the scientific to the trivial.
Well, not all persons are like that, and not all persons appreciate my language. For instance, while I get a lot of email from people who say they appreciate my straightforward writing style, I also get email from people who tell me they find my language offensive.
And I have learned to embrace both kinds of reactions. It took me a while, but I’ve realized that the first category of people cannot exist without the second one. I wouldn’t have my fans if I didn’t have my critics, because they all respond to the same personal style but in different ways.
Victims of Labels
This being said, I do find the arguments of individuals who reject the use of strong language amusing. A typical conversation for me with such a person (I’ll call them Bob) goes kind of like this:
Bob: “I don’t like your profane language. It’s unprofessional.”
Me: “Unprofessional. What does that mean specifically?”
Bob: “You know…. Unprofessional! “
Me: “No, I don’t know. It’s a label, but what does it mean?”
Bob: “I suppose it means… incompetence.”
Me: “So you’re saying that my use of profane language is an accurate estimator of how competent I am in my field?”
Bob. “Well, no I guess not. But that kind of language shows disrespect.”
Me: “How?”
Bob: “It just does.”
Me: “I don’t buy that assumption. How precisely is my strong language an indicator of disrespect?”
Bob: “That’s how people see it.”
Me: “What people?”
Bob: “People.”
Me: “You mean ALL people?”
Bob: “No. Yes. I’m not sure.”
This dialogue could go on forever, but Bob eventually finds it nauseating and gives up. Comedy aside, I think you can tell where I’m going. My point is this:
The use of strong language doesn’t mean shit.
Those interpretations we may give to the use of strong language are damn near arbitrary. We just believe they are correct because they’re spinning in our head like a broken disc.
Today, we have top professionals who use the word ‘fuck’ in almost every sentence and amateurs who try to appear competent by the use of ‘proper language’.
Words as Expression
There’s an episode of the TV show Bullshit (yes, that’s the name of the show) where Penn & Teller, the hosts of the show, debunk profanity. You might want to check it out.
I think Penn and Teller are aware of one key trait of language: its ability to convey meaning. Language is a way to express ideas, facts, emotions and ultimately, ourselves.
However, in order for language to do so, we must be willing to use its full range, even if some persons may not like it. Censoring ourselves for the sake of etiquette impairs personal expression. Do that often enough and you have no voice, and no impact.
Personally, I find the whole distinction between good and bad language juvenile and farfetched. But these are only two labels. I’ll tell you one practical lesson I’ve learned though, as a coach and as a person.
You’ll get a lot more out of being authentic in your communication than by trying to follow strict etiquette.
Will you piss some people off? Absolutely. Does it make a difference? No, not really. The only real way to never piss people off is to be invisible. I’ve been there, and trust me: it’s not very enjoyable.
The best way to go is to discover your inner voice, make it heard in a genuine way and make shit happen.
Image courtesy of CarbonNYC
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I agree that most of the ‘stigma’ around bad language is due to labels. I don’t get offended by bad language but I do get irritated when people use it for ‘shock value’, when it is unnecessary and not really them. I suppose it is like anything, if it is you, it is fine, if you are doing it to impress, shock, be part of something, it will come across badly.
But if they use them non-stop it’s bad too… Sometimes everyone can use bad lang though 🙂
here here !
It seems to me that language choices, like wardrobe choices, are made with regard to the culture and people around us — and of course, as Eduard points out, the version of our character that we present as “authentically” ourselves. In industries with large age ranges, the CEO probably gets more freedom with his language than jr execs do; the language is probably more similar in companies where the ages are not far apart. What would be a severe career limiting move in the first is conversation in the other.
Eduard, you have now just pissed me off!
There I was thinking you were a “nice” guy who never swore or said anything rude:-)
Damn!
Fuck!
Of course, goodness forbid you call somebody a nigger.
Expletives are useful. They have a lot of history, and much like currency, human beings will go to incredible lengths to invent them when they’re needed.
When I read old books, I realize that strong, semi-forbidden language is something that English speakers have loved, hated, and worked hard on creating for a heck of a long time! In the last two centuries, the US has rotated through many generations of words. As the old ones get boring (Heck! Shucks! Darn!) we drop them, and search for something worse. Sometimes we import them from another country or region. After all, is your grandpa’s curse word any fun to say anymore?
A good curse should be as harsh as a slap in the face. The fact is, if a word is not forbidden any more, saying it won’t intimidate anyone. It doesn’t show that you’re filled with flaming rage at a total A–, or explain how much the F—— hammer you just dropped on your toes hurts.
We need rules about words, the same way we need rules about physical fighting, because a good curse word must break the social rules. The F-bomb should be just that, a brief bomb, leaving a moment of shocked silence in its wake. (In that silence, bystanders can notice your fury, see what upset you so much, and give you a second to calm down.)
Of course, cursing a blue streak must have a use, other than interrupting a fight brewing. It must distract you from physical pain. (There was an interesting study I read recently. Participants had to hold their hand in a tank of ice water. Those who were allowed to use terrible curse words were able to withstand the pain significantly longer. I’m sure you do this instinctively already. I am curious which word still has enough zing to work for you.)
Look, if the S-bomb or the F-bomb is no longer an explosively expletive word, that’s o.k., but we will invent new words to replace them.
The problem with strong language occurs with its overuse. It’s punctuation, intended to convey depth of feeling, much as an exclamation point or question mark does. When overused, it indicates lack of vocabulary and/or emotional immaturity. And while there’s no innate reason to fear using strong language, being based on emotion, its use can become habitual and non-deliberate.
As for the typical conversation with “Bob,” perhaps the problem is less the logic of his argumentation and more his inability to articulate. He simply can’t find the words “indicative of emotional immaturity, and oftentimes failure to control a habit” or their equivalent.
Always remember that comments made say more about the commenter than about their target. A well-placed “sexual penetration be unto thee” can be far more effective than an out-of-control “fuck you.”
I agree with this article–to an extent. In my personal life I see absolutely no problem with using profanity. However, I just had the exact same conversation with one of my friends, and in the argument I was Bob, and I couldn’t articulate at the time exactly what I was trying to say. I didn’t know how to answer how it wasn’t “professional”. The conversation was brought up after I went to the dentist and the woman at the front desk was throwing around the f-word like it was her job. In the situation it made me feel uncomfortable. Not because I was offended, but I was shocked that she was using it so carelessly around customers and the dentist. While I think that words like “fuck” have their places, there are places that I think that they pretty unarguably don’t belong. I work in the customer service industry–the lowest person on the totem pole at my job. If you are saying that there is no such thing as unprofessional language, then saying “fuck” around my customers, especially the elderly, when children are present, or towards my boss wouldn’t get me fired. But it would. Why? Because it is unprofessional, or at least that is how the corporate world and many individuals see it. And justifiably so. It shows a lack of inhibition of emotion, lack of vocabulary, or inability to think before you speak, which are all important characteristics to have in a professional setting.