If social interactions don’t go for you as well as you would like and you sometimes tend to put your foot in your mouth during conversations, you may be asking yourself: “Am I socially awkward?”
Drawing from my experience as a social confidence coach, I want to explain the characteristics of socially awkward people and help you comprehend if you are socially awkward or not, as well as show you what to do about it.
The Profile of Socially Awkward People
Socially awkward persons possess a set of distinctive traits. The more of these traits you have and the larger their degree, the higher on the social awkwardness scale you’re likely to be. Here they are:
1. Feeling nervous in social settings. The typical socially awkward person doesn’t feel comfortable in social situations. They are anxiety producing.
This is one of the main factors that often make them behave in weird ways around other people. Nervousness leads to a creepy demeanor, and realizing that your demeanor is creepy creates even more nervousness, so we have an ongoing negative cycle.
2. Not understanding social norms. Often when I talk with a socially awkward person, they tell me they often don’t know what’s appropriate for them to do and what’s not in a social situation.
They don’t know how is it OK to start a conversation, what conversation topics is it best to talk about and when, or what is it suited to joke about and what is it not. Obviously, this lack of understanding can lead to either weird or shy behavior.
3. Often having a different impact than intended. It’s common for socially awkward people to joke about something and others to find the joke uncalled for, or to try and give a compliment, only for it to come off in a distasteful way.
In other words, they intend to generate one result, and they end up generating a totally different one. This mismatch is a sign of a deficiency of social calibration.
4. The lack of conversation flow. Everybody has conversations that don’t flow, have awkward silences or end abruptly. But for socially awkward people, this is the rule, not the exception.
Their conversations are habitually like a rough wagon ride on a bumpy country road.
5. Frequently being avoided or ridiculed by others. If others actively try to dodge interactions with you, or they often mock you during them, they probably see you as the weird person in the group.
And if they see you this way, it can be a sign that your social behavior is awkward and makes it easy to attract the derision of others.
6. The lack of meaningful connections with others. Since they struggle with making conversation, feeling at ease around others and expressing themselves effectively, socially awkward people typically lack strong connections with others.
They generally have few friends, if any, and a very small social circle. They spend a lot of time alone and to say their social life is less than fulfilling is an understatement.
OK. These are the 6 distinctive traits of socially awkward individuals. Taking them into consideration, this is a good moment to ask yourself again “Am I socially awkward?”
If The Conclusion Is “I Am Socially Awkward”
If the conclusion of this self-assessment is that you are socially awkward, this is likely an issue with a visible negative impact on your life. You could have much better relationships and be a lot happier if you deal with this effectively. I have three essential pieces of advice I can offer you.
The first and most important is to develop your social confidence. To a very large extent, social awkwardness is produced by shyness and anxiety in social settings.
When you’re anxious, you can’t think straight, you stumble, bumble and fumble around, and thus you embarrass yourself. Work on improving your social confidence, and I promise you that most of this will take care of itself.
Check out this free presentation I’ve created to learn how to eliminate anxiety and boost your social confidence.
The second advice is to learn the basic social norms. The basic principles of social interactions can be learned from books, courses or socially savvy people. Knowing them and applying them will aid you adjust your social behavior to the situation.
However, beyond the basic principles, everything else can only be learned through experience. No other person can tell you exactly what to do and say during a social interaction.
This is why the third advice is to gain lots of experience interacting with others. Meet new people, make conversation, experiment, notice the results and fine-tune your behavior accordingly.
In time, this real-life social experience will transform you from socially awkward to socially intelligent. And of course, a huge part of the nerve to do all this socializing comes, again, from developing your social confidence.
If you want to discover exactly how you can do this, make sure you watch my social confidence presentation.
Fortunately, overcoming social awkwardness is absolutely possible, no matter who you are. You can become a socially calibrated person who makes conversation effortlessly, has awesome friends and enjoys a great social life.
The key is to use focus on achieving this with determination, seek the best advice available and implement it.
Image courtesy of DaveAustria.com
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I think it’s wonderful that you wrote this piece to help people who feel stuck in social awkwardness. Because we all want to feel accepted, it can be a real problem to find yourself unable to relax and fit into social situations.
Building self-confidence, I agree, is a perfect place to start. Even if it doesn’t turn a person into some type of social magnet, they’ll at least feel good enough to accept themselves and to attract others who accept them as-is.
I completely agree. I fit in this category so well. I am currently taking medications for my ADHD, Major Depression Disorder (MDD), and Anxiety; which leads to my social anxiety. So, thanks for writing this. Hopefully this will help my self confidence as well. And I know that this is not a very good thing for me to do, but in order to help me relax and feel accepted, I drink until I am plastered…even then, I still continue to drink and I do it because I love the results and the results are people end up loving me. 😉
Christina, sounds like you have a long journey ahead of you, but trust me, it’s worth taking it and staying on it.
I get it that medication and alcohol help you with your mood. But you’re addressing the symptoms, not the problem. Which is better than nothing, however it means you’ll be dependent them for the rest of your life. I suggest that you try a psychological approach with a proven track-record like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Coaching, which will help you solve the real root problem, plus getting some help in learning some basic social skills.
I desperately need to change my social life. and I can’t believe how accurate this article describes what it is to be socially awkward. it really is frightening in a way that t’s showing my true identity.
I know it is very scary it describes me perfectly. I want to join a socially akward group or make one but don’t know how… good luck tho
the problem is taking action and doing something about the awkwardness that we are all facing. listening to typed words on a computer is not as effective without actually getting up and solving it. which im sure most of us aren’t able to do.
I’m 29 and I’m mildly socially awkward. I’ve improved a lot over the years by forcing myself into uncomfortable situations. If you keep running away or avoiding social contact or uncomfortable situations, you’ll never improve.
I find that people don’t care so much how “socially awkward” you are when they see that you’re a “good” person. Be nice, be friendly, show some respect, spread some love. It may be difficult in the beginning but with enough practice you will learn how to communicate better.
The advice you’re dispensing sounds good, but it’s way easier said than done when you’ve got innate problems that were more than likely set in since birth, if not before, if one gets the drift.
Sorry Alice but I totally disapprove your statement.
I am a socially awkward person and I’ve always tried to fight this by being “good” but people have always always taken advantage of my “good” behaviour – in an exploitation kind of way.
This is the real world we’re talking about. Being good makes other people want to take advantage of you. So no, that advice isn’t a good one at all. The world has changed. Under the mask of mannerisms and pleasantries lies a beast waiting to pounce.
Yeah I have to disagree with Alice as well. I’m a nice person, but it’s attracted so many “fake” friends and caused more heartache due to people taking advantage of my good intentions. This is the real world and a cruel one too.
Damn this is so accurate it’s almost frightening. This is exactly the plan of action I need.
Then you know what you have to do Matt. Sounds like you might wanna join my free social confidence newsletter as well. I send weekly advice in it for building social confidence and social skills. Join here: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
You should help men approach women during day/night.
I am teribly socially awkward, my fiends know it. I have very few friends. An yet, the friends I have are for life, and we always have each others backs.
Hey Jen,
It’s great that you have these kinds of friends. Few people, socially awkward or not, can say they have friends for life. The risk though is that if you don’t feel able to socialize with people in general and make friends, you’ll feel dependent on these friends and get clingy. This is why it’s a good idea to work on developing your social confidence and skills.
I always wondered why it was so hard for me to make friends and why people would avoid me alot and now I know. The truth hurts but I am willing to make the necessary changes to better my self confidence.
I am very socially awkward and I must say, this is very… correct (I cant think of the proper term to be used here… I am also dyspraxic) I sometimes find myself making comments or jokes about current social matters (for exampel,the recent shooting in Colarado)And people just glare at me, and I fall into an akward moment of silence. It probably would help to get more self confidense, and be able to start a “proper conversation”, but I find it rather difficult; I always find myself talking about strange things with my friends, and not wanting to talk to new people/ make new friends. And whenever I do talk with new people, I sometimes find myself babbling on about strange things.
Im a bit like nikolas in the sense that i don’t neccesarily enjoy meeting new people. I hardly have any friends and although I have had some good friends, most of the time I end up making friends with people I don’t feel comfortble with. Also, Im not confident at all. Sometimes I just want to sit in a room alone and cry because I have no social life. I find it really hard to approach people and sometimes im really clingy. I just feel like a serious loner sometimes.
I feel the same way about being socially awkward, I don’t really enjoy meeting new people and making new friend, i actually find that unnecessary. I feel like why would i want to be friends with people that mock me a lot and don’t give a damn about me. dude, don’t give up hope. it is not that a big deal not having social life, you might end up happier with only a few, yet, true friends that really care about you.
You are right, you don’t have to be friends with people who mock you or you don’t really like. You don’t have to get along with everybody. But it is important to have some friends in your life and enjoy rewarding relationships. Otherwise you’re gonna experience a lot of frustration and sadness down the road. So if you feel you have a problem with making friends altogether, even with people who might be really cool, you want to work on gaining some confidence and improving your people skills.
The most important thing is to get as much social experience as you can under your belt. As you do so, you’ll improve your ability to calibrate socially and this sort of reactions to your remarks will be considerably less frequent.
I play trivia at a local restaurant. Some of my wife’s friends and their husbands have joined us recently. I don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable inviting. Anyway, my wife couldn’t make it one night so it was me and two other couples. I thought things went pretty well. The next trivia night rolled around and nobody texted my wife about playing. I sometimes overthink things but I cant help thinking I came off the wrong way and nobody wants to play. One of the questions was about an Anudus which is somebody that tends to dead bodies. I said something like Not only do they look over dead bodies but they are naked, too. (A Nudist is how it is pronounced). Nobody laughed. It was in poor taste but I do blurt things out. I worry that I’ve creeped out 4 people .I was just trying to be funny but usually I’m not.
Some people are socially awkward probably because they are not around people that much. They stay home all or most of the time. They don’t go out that much. They may have just one friend or a few. I honestly describe myself as one of those people.
I think that the solution for us socially awkward people is just surrounding ourselves with strangers, friends, neighbors, family relatives, so on. The closer we are to others, the better and more confident we would be. Otherwise, we could be bitter, depressed, and lonely human beings.
Practice does help those that are awkward but learning the right skills…what to say and when to say it along with practice are essential to overcoming social awkwardness. Unfortunately for others, myself included it goes deeper. I struggle with anxiety and no matter how much social exposure I give myself the anxiety is always present. The social skills I have learned help when meeting people but the anxiety always keeps me stuck in the socially awkward category. I present as anxious and draw unwanted attention. My way of dealing with this is to force myself to be more outgoing and extroverted. It is unnatural yet for me is a coping mechanism. It used to be hard but being quiet and awkward was harder for me. This way people get to know me and I could build connections and friendships. And it’s genuine in that if you like people you want to get to know them. It is not fun to be an outsider.
i always think that i’m socially awkward but dn’t know how to overcome this problem..
Here’s a good starting point. Get on my free newsletter: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
I always find it hard to talk to people unless I know exactly what to say, so I can give a great speech or easily talk to classmates about school related topics. Other than that, I find it hard, so that leads me to searching for a topic, which is generally just me talking about myself. I don’t want to appear really self-obsessed or a chatterbox, but I’m not sure if I can help it right now. I barely go out on the weekends, and majority of my friends have never been to my house.
Uhhh I’m exactly the same, 18 and never even had a boyfriend because of this problem. And I don’t understand why either? Everyone is so out going and I’m just scared.
oh my god, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’ll be turning 18 in a few months and still haven’t had a boyfriend for the same reasons. It sucks. I love how you said “Everyone is so outgoing and I’m just scared.” My friends at school are outgoing, normal, & comfortable in their skin…& then there’s me. I started senior year so good, I had a lot of time to work on myself & who I thought I was during the summer, I was pretty confident & happy. But then slowly things started changing…& now Im back to square one, though I feel more hopeless then before. *sigh*
I know exactly that feeling too. Tho I’m 21….and really socially awkward…and I have never had a boyfriend either :/ And I’m realy scared too, I’m always scared that what if I say something stupid and then people will start to hate me? I don’t know how to start a conversation with strangers…and I just moved(to another country), and I only know my flatmate…..but I don’t want to be clingy with her(you know…always hang out with her etc…it would be awkward for her…and I dont want her to hate me).but I dont know what to do. :((
omg i can totally relate, i never go out on the weekends or hang out with my friends and the only time i really communicate with the two friends i have is if they call me or text me first. i always reply back and love to hear from them but i just never communicate first. i also always find myself complaining to my mom about being lonely and never having friends and become saddened or depressed, even to the point of crying. and i have had a boyfriend before but it didnt last very long, and any time i meet new guys its usually from the internet and its very hard for me to hold a decent conversation. theres a guy ive been talking to for about 2 months now and i still never know what to say its so awkward, luckily he is a sweetheart and still appreciates me. i really want a relationship because it sucks to be the only person who hasnt been in love or had a meaningful relationship. and with females i always feel like they are judging me so i never speak, the yhave to speak to me first, im also really insecure i could name a million things i dislike about myself before i could name things that i do like. i dream to be sociable lol
I’m 18 and have only ever had one boyfriend for about four months. I found that he often tried to take advantage of my introverted nature, thinking he could do/say whatever he liked and I wouldn’t do anything about it. Since we broke up (I was about 16), I’ve had hang-ups about dating again because I fear that even if the next guy seems nice, he will ultimately do the same thing. I’ve experienced similar things with former friends who have shown a cruel, exploitative streak when they realized I was soft-spoken and socially awkward (like saying very hurtful things disguised as jokes). For me, even finding friends and family members who understand my personality is like finding gold, so I wonder how much more difficult it will be to find a partner who loves and does not exploit the parts of me that might not be so appealing.
I see some of you are young women, but my 23 year old son is having some social issues described here… He feels awkward around people, even people he has known for a while. He doesn’t know what to talk about and feels very self-conscious, like everyone can see his distress. He has never had a girlfriend either, which I am surprises he just shared this with me, but did so during an emotional moment. He is a very intelligent and handsome man and I just want him to find his confidence. He is not shy with me at all, but he is my only child and I was a single-mom, so we have always had close-knit relationship. I plan on getting him to read this and watch the video – I was just doing some research on my own. Any thoughts?
This is very accurate. Im socially awkaward i highschool. I tend yo compare my self to others and as myself “how do they do it”? Honestly why did i have to be this? Its hard trying. Its scary and nerve recking. I need to surround myself more with ppl
You are this way because you have a set of limiting beliefs about yourself (maybe you think at some level that you’re inferior to others, that you have to prove yourself, whatever) and quite possibly you lack significant social experience.
Both of which, you can fix. Have you checked out the video I mentioned in the article yet?
i’m 27 but still awkward, people find me boring after several decent conversations. it’s like i’m too serious for them when i’m not. i run our of things to talk to and i don’t know how to make them laugh. this is affecting my work and people avoid me. don’t know what to do
I have exactly the same problem as you, I have a few close friends who are wonderful but anyone else I just can’t seem to form friendships/relationships with. I run out of things to talk about with most people really quickly, feel like i’m boring and have no sense of humour. I think it also limits me at work due to hardly talking and not knowing what to say and i fear i come across as stupid as i don’t usually have much to input.
I’m 27 also and have the same problems. For me there is this thing that happens all the time when I say something and instantly I seem to “kill” the conversation. It is really weird, imagine: we are in a group of 5/6 people and everyone is talking normally, then I say something, people usually stop talking and turn eyes to listen and look at me, and then there is a break in the conversation and it just ends. It might be the most innofensive thing, I never know why this happens.
I have always had long lasting relationships, but with few outside relations, I mean, maybe clingy relationships are what to call them. I wonder if they were awkward too or normal relations like other’s.
i find social confidence to be a big issue not just because im introverted but i have high functioning autism, so social confidence isnt my strongestpoint. is there anyone who can help with this from an autistic perspective
please
i find it hard to carry a conversation with anybody on the phone or my neighbor just never know what to talk about..I just get real nervous and think I make the other person feel all awkward too. I guess I worry about them judging me or something.. like im boring say weird stuff creepy. Wish I could just have a normal conversation without worrying about all that stuff how they perceive me.. Do people with social confidence not worry about all that stuff when they socialize. wish i new what that was like..
i think it doesen’t matter if you are socially akward, some people find that interesting. maybe you feel like noone understands you but if you are nice and sincere person and respect others, people will like you. let others talk and you can come up with some subject easily. we are all different and unique.
Wise point. Being awkward doesn’t make you unlikable. That’s crucial to realize. Being extremely shy on the other hand is something you need to handle if you want to enjoy meaningful relationships with others.
This article is really accurate. I’m 15, Turing 16 soon and I unfortunatly have all 6 of those traits you described. It’s a real pain, people I know are going to parties and I’ve only ever been invited to one and I was too scared to go I just coundnt handle the thought of being in a situation like that, so I didnt go. It’s also a pain with school work, here in England we do GCSE’s which are extremely important and for part of the exam I had to analyse a business (this involves interviewing customers, staff and the manager). I have literally spent weeks worrying about this and I have tried to start it but I’m finding it really hard to just speek to people.
I am a hairdresser therefore I do carry on conversations with my clients but outside of work is a whole different story if their is not specific topic to discuss I do not know what to talk about and most of the time I feel people looking over my head so I just stop talking or I feel like I’m waisting their time so I just don’t bother I get very jealous when I see social butterflies who seem to be able to start conversations with anyone even the wall if they wanted, and if someone talks over me forget it I’m done. I have described myself as a turtle who just tucks in their shell, I feel invisible and unnoticed. I always wanted to be that kid that all the other kids ran to when you got dropped off at school but here I am at 49 and still wondering if anyone even knows I exist, I’m afraid of planning events because no one will show up. Yikes I’m a mess.
i’m shy and a socially awkward person. and i just came to an European country and i’m gonna live there for about 3 years and as i’m not a native English speaker and my English is kinda.. well, not up to their level, i find it incredibly awkward to mingle with them, and everytime i involve in a conversation with the locals, i just can’t think straight, mess up my grammars and pronounciation, and what’s more i just can’t project my voice like i used to when i’m talking to my friends who are of the same race as me. i just can’t find a way to overcome the inferior feelings, the anxiety that i have when talking to them. i also have a low self-confidence and this does not only happen when i’m with the locals but also with my friends. even my friends and relatives refer me as an introvert and a shy person and people will usually pity me and i really hate them and myself for that. 🙁
It’s good to know there’s so many fellow socially akward people out there. We are not alone.
I appreciate this article. There’s hope out there.
Often times than not…social situations aren’t important. What’s important is you. Build an ark, not a tower. Yes, have strong connections with people. But just understand that it’s all based on your maturity level. If you’re immature and you’re socially awkward, there’s always hope. But if you’re an adult and you’re socially “awkward,” then it was probably because you didn’t find out why you were like that when you were younger. It’s hard to explain because i’m not socially awkward…but that’s the thing, the fact you think that being excepted will fix everything. Well it doesn’t. Find out for yourself, but you weren’t born socially awkward. You weren’t a socially awkward baby in the arms of your mother. Just…if you weren’t excepted..maybe you shouldn’t be excepted until you know why you weren’t.
I was socially awkward and what really drove me to improve and get over it was the uneasy and anxious feeling I always got when faced with a social situation. I just couldn’t let myself feel that way everyday and almost live in fear of talking to people.
I am socially awkward but I can hide it successfully. I’ve seen people whom I think are not awkward socially but some of them end up going too low to succeed. I think everyone has some problem with this but some people hide it better than others. If someone is so socially confortable under every condition and circumstance, they are under the influence of some substance or they are just crazy. It is good to know we are many like this; I though I was alone.
as I read this, it sounded like my biography. I actually googled: “help to be social” and found this page.
I will give anything to be out of this problem. To know how to make conversations and friends.
This short article is very helpful in catagorizing myself into the level. I have got same problem as well. Primarily having low self esteem as a result of low level of confident. I think this has leaded me being socially awkward person. I feel fear inside of me, and worthless as a result of not being able to talk.
This happens especially when I am in group of friends where the circulation of views are expected to be contributed by each member of the group, and I feel not having anything to talk but just lishen and smile. This kills me actually by giving very negetive thoughts, saying what is wrong with me, and they probably thinking of me etc. This leads me having depression. However I could make very engaging conversation if there is only one person.
I would be glad if anybody could provide some suggestion.
You just described me. If one on one, i can make a gud conversation, however when i am in a group of friends, i become a muted listener.
This describes me 100%. I know I am socially awkward. I even have problems holding a job because it’s not because I am not qualified or have no skills, people think I’m weird and different. I always joke around about it as a way to not take my self too seriously.
Today I went on a job interview and the owner called my employer for a reference. I found out because my current employer call med to let me know. They know i am leaving. I’ve been with my current job for a few years. The owner said to my manager that I as being socially awkward. She said to the owner that you are not going out on a date with him, you are hiring him to do a job. With that being said I got the offer same day. I don’t drink, smoke, murder people or rob banks. Think different be different!!
I really don’t like going out that much, whenever i do, i’m just going to a pub with my best friends who are also shy/SA. My Problem is, that i just don’t like talking to people i don’t know, because the things my “nerd” friends and i are discussing could not possibly be interesting for “strangers”. So i really end up in a conversation that feels like it is never going to end. I am 6″, pretty muscular (gym) and told to be quite good looking. Though i really feel like i will never find a GF who is like me.
There is your first problem: if all your friends are also shy/SA, it makes it harder to overcome this because you like positive role models to follow. You need to make some new friends.
As for the topics you discuss, I think you have a limiting belief there. I talk about the weirdest things you can imagine with others (superhero movies, sci-fi, computers, end of the world theories) and I rarely get negative reactions. People are not as closed minded and intolerant as you seem to think.
Reading the article, I was hoping I’d eventually stop at one of the traits listed, however I my eyes keep scrolling down the article hitting every point, painting my whole picture. The comments posted below helped cushion the self-embarrassment. But, let me tell you some things in which could play a contributing factors. Hearing-impairment plays a key role in miscommunication (as would any deficit or error in aiding miscommunication problems), intellectually intelligence is not always a positive gift to have since many emit ‘?’ marks floating above their heads when delving into theories or topics beyond their means of understanding (you feel like you are boring or weird as a result), segregation or seclusion inevitably deteriorates social skills as being alone often, your brain sees no logic in polishing them, the activities you place in substituting socializing soon encompass your time and shifts your attention otherwise… These are just some personal reasons that push me to the outside, looking in. Who knows. Perhaps I like it better out here.
Hello, I am 46 year old woman and I agree with you. I was raised in a noncommunicative household. I was the outsider in my own family, the “black sheep.” My mother and sister were close and left me out. I lived in my own world that I had to create for survival. I slept around, had 4 kids. I belonged to no one. It was lonely. Later when I married the love of my life, I tried but could not fit in with his friends and family either. He did lots of things with out me. I was an outsider in my own marriage. We divorced.
When I look back I realize I was like that boy raised in the woods by wolves, but I was without the wolves(well, there were occasional boyfriends) and I never learned how to behave in society(the right things to say or act). In families you learn social behavior, with no one there I was wild. I believe this to be the cause of my social awkwardness, or as I like to call it “social disability.”
I’m 21 and incredibly socially awkward. I grew up with a stutter that I eventually grew out of in middle school, and I think a lot of my awkwardness stems from that. I had a pretty good and close group of friends from about 7th grade to 12th grade, but now that we’ve moved on to college they’ve sort of forgot about me. I’m a junior at my university and I can’t say I’ve made one good friend in two and a half years; it’s pretty pathetic. I’m always in my head when I’m in social situations of all kinds. Even though I don’t have a bad stutter anymore, I stumble over words every now and then, and I really beat myself up for it and withdrawal myself from conversation. For all the people in my situation, just know you aren’t alone.
So, even though I’m in my early teens, I’ve found this to be quite helpful. I can pretty much only start a conversation with ‘what’s up?” or a lame question about school which nobody wants to hear. And I never make plans with my friends unless someone else makes them or if we’re going to a concert. And the friends I don’t go to concerts with, I see them at school and I never make plans because I can’t think of what to do. Whenever I’m with a group of people I find that I’m the only one not talking and get really nervous because I don’t know what to say unless someone is talking directly to me. I think this is because three of my best friends last year stopped talking to me and hanging out with me on account of my being “awkward” and “not emotionally connecting with them much”. That hurt a lot but I got over it. Anyways, I’m always super careful making friends from now on and I’m paranoid about everything. This article has been helpful though and I’ll look over conversation topics and such 🙂
Hi Rebecca.
I’m 37 and the same thing happened to me when I was in high school. My friends just stopped talking to me. I’m just now learning to be more social.
Good luck.
I believe that it is just normal to be afraid of interacting with people and not to know what to say in public. Those who recognize themselves in the description above are just… like everybody.
Let’s face it: interacting with people who are not close for hours takes a toll on anybody. Sure, some people may have more difficulties to interacts with people than others, but it is not “natural” to speak easily of anything with anybody. On the contrary, it is a skill that needs to be practiced from childhood. I believe that most of the people who think of themselves as being “shy” or “social awkward” are just people that did not practice this skill when young.
I may be wrong, but according to my experience, those who interact easily with others are those who have practiced this skills since childhood, because they came from privileged backgrounds, have gone to schools that emphasized this skill, had socially savvy parents, etc. while on the other hand, those who were shy tended to have opposite social backgrounds.
So, maybe those who tend to see themselves as being “socially awkward” should try to improve their social skills. But I think they should worry less about it and should rather work harder to improve their social position. When they will find better job and earn more money, they won’t have to suffer from other’s point of view.
Just my two cents.
I am a middle-aged female and I have always been extremely bashful/shy. As a youngster I was afraid to even answer the phone, and while I sort of understand your opinion for the most part, my thoughts tend to be that in order to “improve [ones] social skills,” one must first be comfortable socializing with other people, hence working on ones social skills/social awkwardness is a must.
I am in what one would consider a professional position employment wise, but fully believe due to my social awkwardness, I’m avoided by others in my field not for lack of knowledge or expertise, but because I don’t know how to reach out to converse in a social setting and thus project a very standofish demeanor. IT IS SO HARD TO STOP THIS behavior, and agree with you that it stems from my lack of a “social background” not a privileged background as you infer. My experience has shown that one donesn’t have to be privileged to possess social skills and grace. I have contemporaries that can talk an ear off, but came from the same background, so that argument doesn’t really hold muster.
My hope is that in my search for the “key,” I will indeed continue to grow, become more outgoing/sociable and in turn more approachable. Thanks for allowing me to respond.
Well, after reading the article and everyone’s comments I am happy to know I’m not alone.
I’m 19. Male. Average looking. (Female friends say otherwise but I don’t see it) I believe this social awkwardness stemmed partially from me being raised as a single child by a single mom. As a child I never had a big group of friends, usually just one or two people I felt comfortable enough with. As I got older and started middle school I noticed how so many kids had large groups of friends they hung out with. I was invited to one of these groups by getting close to one of them. It didn’t turn out well… I stood there and didn’t speak a word. This is when I realized I had a problem.. I could never show new people my real personality or be myself. And also couldn’t seem to ever spark up conversations when in groups of people. It seemed like they would talk about people I didn’t know, places I never heard of, parties I was never invited to. It just sucked. As I got older I got a little less socially awkward. I’ve had many girlfriends and supportive friends that have given me much needed confidence boosts. Working also helped me deal with some of my issues due to dealing with customers. My biggest help was a communications class in college. They litterally put you into a terrifying situation of meeting new people and being forced into conversations with them.. it was horrible at first, but I believe it broke my social awkwardness. Of course, ill always be who I am, but I can hold conversations now and look people in the eyes. It’s an amazing change. If only I could work on being too much of an introvert now.. Haha. But I hope this helped some of you. Also, Surrounding yourself with others that are like you is not a good thing. It will keep you in your shell. Trust me. Just go out there and find your breaking point. Just give yourself the much needed push.
53 here & have had this condition/affliction since youth – wanted to run away @ 12. Spent time w/psychiatrists/psychologists & some meds – best treatment I have found over the years is simply to grasp a trade/occupation & immerse ones self totally – in that manner, you will invariably gain respect as you become better & better @ what you do. Many famous people have faced similar life struggles, so do not feel as though you yourself are an anomoly.
It’s really odd how socially awkward people are; we all have a different eay of thinking. It’s like we all have something, but not like a disease. No, it’s a gift! We see the light of life in a different spectrum, and we should be proud! We are not weird. We are not socially awkward! We are Humans 2.0, pretty much, as it’s highly common for a genuine socially awkward person to be highly intelligent and have lots of ideas people put down as they’re ‘weird’ or ‘too complicated’, whem we could understand that with 20 more factors involved! This is why I think the Socially Awkward are in fact BETTER. We’re used to criticism; we won’t dish it out. We will enlighten. We will help. We will evolinto a greater good for Earth!
Social awkwardness is not a gift. The ’Socially Awkward’ are not better. People on this website are trying to better themselves, and your trying to massage their doubts and keep them in a rut. Stop trying to delude yourself and others.
But if someone is in fact socailly awkward how do you expect them to branch out and meet new people and start new conversations? Shyness doesn’t allow someone to do that…
I am socially awkward.:/ I don’t know about everyone else,but to me it is a curse! I an 21 and don’t have much friends. Everyone in my family can obviously tell but have yet to say it, Im just weird. I speak low sometimes and when asked to repeat myself I get nurvous, start to studder and turn red. It is hard to stare people in the eyes, and when I do I feel like it is for too long,iam fine with one or two people but more then that I start to shut down. I wish I could easily interact with our people. My real problem is I over think everything! Should I look at them?, what should I say?, will it be funny? Will I sound stupid? Will I look dumb?…. This is something I really need to get past. Any suggestions ? I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about it but I don’t know how to.
wow this really was spot on, I mean the evidences of social akwardness. I’m not totally anxious and nervous that I am wringing my hands all the time but I understand that people would tend to avoid sometimes because they do not feel as comfortable. I got over depression and I am standing strong and not slipping back into it by letting any lonesomeness get to me. I am always labeled as the quiet person (which is a compliment in some cases!) but it is frustrating at times. I just never know what to say and it is not social anxiety except for my own uncertainties about social situations. And I hate waiting to be picked up and things like that because you are just standing around with other people. I’m seeing a counselor just to help me with this and to learn and grow 🙂
i feel very much like the description in the article. even if i have tried to get newfriendst hey usually dont follow through…. my failure have led me to totally avoid making new friends.when i go into a big new group i dont even consider that someone would like to talk to me its like it dosnt even exist imy world anymore, cause im so used to being ignored. im not ugly-id rather say beautiful ieven get the best looking guys at university and i have had a lot ofboyfriends, and im very intelligent aswell and ambitious but i cant get this socialbehiaviuospuzzle to work out… i feel kind of like fish in a bowl, when all the other fish are swimming in a big separated bowl having fun, and im staring at them fromy bowl… thinking: how do they do that?
Wow, thanks for all your comments on this article. I’m glad it is helping you. So now you know you’re not alone, you know there are many socially awkward people out there, and you know that you can fix this.
It’s a matter of going out and socializing more, combined with actively improving your confidence and interpersonal skills using the right tools. I invite you to join my newsletter if you haven’t already, for more advice from me on this topic. Go to: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
Eduard
I’ve suffered from huge social anxiety all my life. It caused me to bunk off school, which in turn ruined my exams, I’ve two friends, I’m 33 and really unhappy. I run my own business working long hours and have no social life. I’m on anti depressants as of two days ago and they are making me calmer. I worry about everything and pray this gets better
I always had trouble keeping and making new relationships. I didn’t look people in the eye because I felt unconfortable, I only talked about subjects I was confortable with… and many times, I didn’t have a clue on how to start a conversations. When I was a kid, I was your typical “smart but weird” little girl. When I was a teen, my parents got divorced and I moved out of town, so it was a nightmare to adapt to my new school. Even now, 10 years later, I consider my classmates just like that, not friends. At the university, things got a little better, I still have a close group of friends (2 girls) and a bigger group of friends (around 10) around I occasionally hang on with (3-4 times a year).
About 2 years ago, I went to the psychiatrist because I was really depressed (had a bad fight with a really close friend). I even started taking fluoxetine without medical prescription. I got diagnosed with a mild form of Asperger Syndrome combined with Borderline Personality Dissorder. Basically, they taught me how to be a bit more confident, to not be afraid of looking people in the eye and how to start a conversation. Those kind of things may sound obvious, but they weren’t for me.
I’m beggining to have new friends, closer to my interests and I’m starting to get along better with my coworkers and boss. I don’t have a boyfriend but right now I don’t mind because I’m focused on my job. I don’t take pills anymore. So to all people reading this, go to the doctor, they can help you. Of course, I’m still a bit awkward (I still have trouble looking at people in the eye and sometimes I begin to talk nonstop about something I like) but I’m 90% better than two years ago.
Helpful article. I hope many will see it. Being socially awkward leaves a huge stigma on people; and friends and family typically speak this over people. It functions like a word curse and can also become self-fulfilling. Thank you for the post.
Good point bro ,im a cronic shy guy , i knw this from childhood, now am in my early thirties .throughout my elementary school to d university i hv been strugglin with this problem ,i hv read so many books ,listin to some motivational speakers but to no avail, am jst lock up in my own world wich shyness is acepted as a normal thing .I know that it was lack of confident in myself ,but I don,t really knew to do avert it .the few girls that hv moved with were the one who made the move ,I never ask them out.
Thanks for this, I am an instructor and have no problem speak to a large group about a topic that I am pre-eminently familiar with. However, if I were to be in a social setting with the same group I can only speak to one person, quietly and as asides, never to the whole group, and when I do they all look at me like I have 3 heads. It would be nice to be able to be comfortable in social settings
Everybody I know describe me as open and sociable, even the life of the party. It’s all an act. I try to appear confident so that people don’t see the anxiety building up inside of me while in a social setting. I am tired of panicking inside of myself, while keeping up the charade. I want to be confident and upbeat because I actually feel that way, not pretending it. I avoid social events/visitors/phone calls etc as much as I can but when I can’t avoid it, the anxiety and fear build up in me and I try to rehearse in my head how to behave etc… When I am around my family, I am so open and love to joke and be myself, but I think that I am so afraid of not being accepted/liked for who I am with those outside of my family, that I put on my confidence rather than own it. I am so tired of pretending. I just don’t know how to stop.
this is all turning out good for me, all these post makes me feel better, I will work on improving myself to be a better person. shout out to everyone.
That’s a great attitude Cordon 😉
Self-improvement is the way to go. It’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do. Did you join my newsletter as well?
I fit in all six categories. I imagined I would before I read them, I’m as socially awkward as they come and I have no clue why :/ I hate it so much. Everyone always thinks I’m the weird quiet guy. Which I am but I want to change that.
Don’t feel bad about being socially awkward Josh. It’s not the end of the world. As you can see, there are many others like you. But, yes, at the same time definitely work on changing this. It will make your social life a whole life better and you’ll be a lot happier.
24, fem, employed: My biggest obstacle in life is bringing my awareness to the present moment. I’m obsessed with my awkwardness to the point I cannot focus on anything if there’s another being in the same room. I have better days than others, better conversations than others, but overall, I struggle with enjoying my own company…or others’ company. I struggle from dusk till dawn with self acceptance.
So far, meditation in the morning and evening has worked nicely. Spiritual meditation books are nice. Anything you enjoy that is self positive.
I also think accepting that the transformation is not going to be instant helps relieve some of those embarassing awkward interactions we create for ourselves. We gotta forgive ourselves that we can be awkward. Practicing brushing off awkwardness has helped me. I’m no expert yet, but little by little. I’ve also noticed that when I shut my trap and practice listening , I’m able to get in the present and not say awkward things….cus I can be really awkward.
Avoid alcohol if you find yourself getting wasted every damn weekend like I was. The less I drink the more I learn.
Also, I struggle with natural body language. Maybe tips!
Well written article! All six signs are true to me, and you really know what’s going on with us kind of people :>
From personal experience, it takes perseverance. There is no magic bullet. Yes. There will be many more uncomfortable social situations in which you’ll still be the “weird” one. Deal with it. That is part of exercising your social stamina. However, with experience and perseverance, you will start to become the “normal” person you want to be. You need to become a little less self-centered and try to attend to the needs of others….ie: be more (genuinely) empathetic toward others instead of trying to “be accepted” by them. Then, and only then, will other people be more comfortable around you… and you they. Remember…..What is the shy person thinking of the most?….HIMSELF!
every single one of these apply to me. I get ridiculed a lot for being an ‘awkward’ person and although it isn’t mean harmfully it can really affect me, which results in me being even more awkward and panicked. It’s good to see others can also relate.
This article will hopefully save my life now, because I, too, suffer with these issues like you all. Ive stopped caring about myself, physically and mentally..Although, I have an added pressure most of you may not understand, and it is that I have low intelliegnce, (Or maybe Im just brainwahsed ino believing that, because ppl have called me such all of my life!! and I HATE myself for that; am so ashamed..Now 35 y.o., and have been an emotional wreck and basket-case all throughout life..It only gets worse and worse..I have 3 daughters and I need to be strong..My extreme shyness and anxiety makes my life MISERABLE!! I used to be an alcoholic, but grew tired of it, however, I now pop an enormous amount of tylenol p.m.’s day-night to use as a sedative. (I dont have alot of money, so I use the cheapest method I know) I know liver failure will result here soon, if I dont stop..(Thats If Im not too late already) I think about my death constantly and how peaceful it sounds to be rid of this life that is exhausting for me..But I seriously need to turn my life around because I love my kids.
Agree with some points mentioned above.
Just adding a couple of things here:
I’m 40 years old. I’ve been hassled, made fun of, even had the term “Socially Awkward” written to describe me in a document dealing with my work. People made me feel like I was crazy and that I was wrong… constantly second guessing myself. Until…
I met other people who are interested in the same things I am, and in the same amounts that I am. No matter what you’re into there are loads of others out there who are into the same things. Once you get a conversation going with those people you will feel a gigantic weight lifted off of your shoulders. I can’t stress that enough. No matter what you are into and like to talk about… there are other people out there exactly like you and when you start talking with them it flows so naturally. Very relieving.
Xanax (in the proper dosage) works wonders also and is a “take as needed” prescription. Don’t believe the negative press, it’s a fantastic thing.
Make jokes. People love to laugh. Learn some jokes and slip them in when it’s relevant to the topic of conversation. Laughter is the best medicine.
Lastly, try to genuinely become interested in other human beings and their experiences and try to relate to them with something in your own experience. Learn to enjoy even the smallest connection you may have in a conversation, cultivate it for a few minutes and move on. Plugging away at different points of discussion until you hit one that the other person lights up or smiles to, and then cultivate that one. Repeat. Slip in a joke. Smile, laugh, repeat. Etc..
Most of all really… FIND OTHER PEOPLE THAT ENJOY THE SAME THINGS YOU DO AS MUCH AS YOU DO. I have some strange taste and interests but I’m just now at 40 finding that the world is a huge place and there are hoards of people who are exactly like me and we get along fantastically. Take a look a Meetup.com and you’ll see what I mean. There are groups there for just about anything. And if you’re a “weirdo” and you live in a tiny town in the country or suburbs… try visiting a major city and you’ll realize that you’re not “weird” at all. There’s just a certain mindset in smaller communities which can be afraid of anything that varies from the average/status quo in that community. You may only be anxious because you haven’t found the group that clicks for you yet.
Wish you all the best of luck, don’t give up and please do keep in mind that you have the right to be happy and you deserve it darn it! 🙂
Eduard, Thank You for your kindness…. This was most helpful. I’m going to sign up for the newsletter and check out the video link. At almost 40, deep down I knew this was an issue for me but, it didn’t quite surface until recently. Namaste.
I agree it is important to remember that some people are like you, and will ike you–and some just won’t. If you accept that, and just be yourself (without trying to act and communicate like everyone else) you will discover who really likes you and who doesn’t. That’s not a bad thing. I don’t mean you should go against all norms and be offensive etc. However, I cannot tell you how many times I have felt embarrassed and worried (after going home)abou taking the initiative, being talkative, showing an interest in people, being humorous with people—whereas later I hear from them they enjoyed the fact that I was like that. They thought I was very confident for being like that, and they wished they could be too! At the some time, some people just don’t like me—and that’s fine too. Some people just have a different style and don’t feel comfortable. My problem is I come home from a night out, and then brood and worry about what people thought. Am working on it.
All the things above said are exactly correct for me, each and every line.I think I have every kind of personality disorder. I’m always the center of ridicule. I can’t make friends and if I have, they always dominate,because of this I have been bullied by others in school as well as in family get together. Going school was like a battle, I was studious but because I was alone, the whole class started taunting me including my so called friends and it was like every day torture, eventually I gave up studies, somehow I completed my school but with very low marks, I can’t concentrate on studies. I did graduation reluctantly. I don’t want to go for further studies because of the fear, my disabilities. I left the job because of this and now I do not want to step out of the house.
I believe my husband is somewhat socially awkward. He falls into the first four categories fairly nicely, although I would not say it’s extreme for him. In fact, I don’t think most people pick up on it until he says something abruptly or makes jokes that no one gets or would get because they are inside jokes, so they sit there awkwardly. I know everyone says dumb things from time to time, but this is pretty consistent for him. I must say, he has gotten better in the years we’ve been together. He is an introvert but loves to be with people. He needs time to himself, but he feels empowered when I am with him since I am the outgoing one and can carry conversations and get to know people – which he loves, but feels like he can’t do on his own. (Which he can.)
I have found this to be exasperating at times when he seem to be self-conscious and when he says awkward things. It usually ends up being something that leaves me in an awkward postion. Or feeling embarrassed for him or for the other person. But i have found the people generally respond well to him because he is so likeable. Whether they pick up on his awkwardness and social discomfort (that i can see plainly, but I know him better than anyone), I don’t know. He tends to over-compensate with silliness and jokes to cover up his discomfort. So people tend to be at ease with him and laugh a lot. He is a very good person and genuinely loves others, although he can be a skeptic at the same time.
The man is a deep thinker. An analyst. An apologist. A theologian. He is in his element when discussing things he knows well with people who are already smooth in conversation. (He knows a lot, but won’t always chime in just because he knows about it.) But if it is someone that he wants to impress or someone he looks up to, his awkwardness is at its highest. Yet he wants to talk with them so tries. (Kudos to him.) And he can talk for hours when met with someone on his level. He is intelligent and talented. But I’ve seen how his talent for some things can be hidden because of his self-consciousness. Like music. Or writing. He is worried about what others will think of his deepest thoughts so he fumbles and it falls flat. But in his mind it should have been amazing. He has been put in the position to teach and he is wonderful once he warms up to it. I mean it. Really good.
I want to understanding him in this way. So often I want to say, “Just be yourself… Sometimes it’s better not to say anything…” etc etc). I want to help him. But I don’t want to point it out or make a big deal out of it for fear of making his self-consciousness worse. And I don’t want to crush his spirit. More than anything, he wants to be socially graceful and it be no big deal, you know? But he does know it. And he regularly tells me that he’s all good as long as I’m with him to reach out to others first.
Thanks for posting this. I am looking for ways to build him up and reduce his anxieties.
I am a socially awkward person. By looking at this site i felt somewhat relieved that i’m not alone.I have a few friends but thank god they are friends for life.I always run out of word in conversation with people as if i don’t have matter to talk about. I don’ t get comfortable with new people. I’m 21. Never had a girlfriend. I don’t like to get out of home. Whenever i go in public people stare at me as if they had never seen someone like me. I feel so awkward.
Yes, you are definitely not alone. That’s clear for me and I hope it’s for you as well. Then again, don’t turn this into an excuse for not trying to change. You are missing out on a lot by lacking in the area of people skills and confidence. And with even minor improvements, your life will change significantly for the better.
Hey my sister says I’m socially awkward I think I just don’t talk to people I feel like aren’t genuine with me or sometimes I feel like I have nothing in common with I’ve been though a lot of hardship and I have a good sense with people and I sometimes don’t feel like makin the effort but when I am with plp I like I make conversation I laugh I make joke I’m 22 and when I was in high school I had a large group of friends and very outgoing since then I had a daughter and I pick my friends wisely is that socialy awkward
It’s weird to keep interaction with people, at least for me… I mean
a) i ve never had the will to get involved in the mostly irrelevant chit chat procedure, it seems worthles specially when im surounded by a subnormal majority.
b)the so called “social norms” are forever-changing in unsuspected ways..
for example at college, i can have friends with wich the talk can be about… the Marquis’ sodoma
and then within minutes talk to other people who get strongly offended by a joke about orgies =? and i’m like “it’s a fuck+ng joke, why are you taking it so seriously?”
on the other hand people get confused by me, i asked my mother… she says it may be that i’m super smart(chemistry,physics, math olympics) but funny
i once told my friends i was thinking on commiting suicide and they thought i was kidding (i wasnt)
=/ i’ve been in therapy (recently, i pay it myself since i was a child i wanted to, but everybody thought/think im “OK”)
This describes me pretty well. The weird thing is I used to be able to start convos with random strangers and make people laugh, people used to love talking to me because I always had good conversation. Now I freeze up and get so stressed out I feel like Im literally having a headache. The only thing that has helped now is alcohol. I used to nail interviews like it was my job (no pun intended) but now I freak out and can barely talk. I called the lady at my last interview sir by accident but she still hired me luckily. It pisses me off when people call me shy because I was a confident person. Ive been putting counseling off because if I held a job as a night club promoter (where you constantly go up to strangers) I should be able to beat this on my own.Sorry for the ramble.
wow. This is completly me! I find it odd that I am okay looking yet im so socially awkward. People usually come up to me but even then i get a little nervous and dont know exactly what to say. I have only opened up to a handful of people and they loved my personality. i have always felt a little..well alot different from everyone else. i always felt like something was wrong with me. ive been in modeling since i was a little girl, and i have even been in pageants. I have noooo problem with being on stage as long as i dont have to speak! for the mosst part guys think its cute how awkward i am, but I would love more friends that are girls that i could open myself up to. i kind of push myself into social situations even though they usually end up awkward…but im trying!
Hi, im socialy akward as well,never had a boyfriend im 23 will be 24 years old,when people joke i don’t laugh so, they call me seriouse i don’t have any freinds,i don’t go out i stay home, the only person i talk to is my mother,i don’t know how to start conversation or end it.Guy try talking to me and i start to get anxeity and find the next exit.I isolate my self.i use self pleasure as a substitute. I was physically and emotionally abuse by my father.I was also picked on in school and other places coming up.I was also sexually harrassed by a guy who tried to sexually assault me but i didn’t happen because i fought him to the end, so now i get more anxeity toward any gut I see that try to socialize with me. What can i do to improve myself? and i take anger out on my mother because she’s the only one i feel comfortable with,it sound crazy but its true,i even tends to cling to my mom.I also suppress my emotions.
In the 6th line i ment it; I ment guy n the 7th line . Apologize
My problem is ,Iam very tall and slim . Every time when I get into the social area everybody is only looking me and Iam feeling very shy .so that I can’t speak a sentence properly to anybody…
Well, It seems like I am socially awkward, I realised it long time ago. And so? I’m not going to do anything with that – I lack the will, courage, motivation. I will spend rest of my days as lonley, cynical man.
God I hate myself.
Oh god. I’ve always known subconsciously that i was socially awkward but reading this just really confirms it. I’m so sad. There’s so many things i want to do in life like theatre, getting a job, making heaps of friends but can’t because i’m so anxious :(. I suppose the only way to get over this is to socialise more :'(. I think my self esteem is just too low. Is there any way I can boost my confidence so that i’m more outgoing and willing to start conversations with people?
Yes there is. START WITH THIS: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
I just spent the last five minutes scrolling up and down the screen, screaming out loud while trying to evade the share buttons= I need to get a life.
I am shy, quiet, and socially awkward. I just do not know how I am supposed to act and what I am supposed to say when I am around certain people (e.g. those who talk arrogantly about themselves or try to compete with me regarding money, women, etc.).
But, if I am around people who accept me for who I truly am, then I can comfortably talk and hold a conversation with them.
Sometimes, as a shy/quiet/socially awkward person, you just have to be yourself regardless of what happens and who you are involved. If some people want to know and build a relationship with you, then you should tell them the truth about yourself. Then, they can either accept you for who you are or ignore and move on to someone else. That kind of happened to me. And I do not let those people bother me. I am human and not perfect.
I am very shy, awkward, in high school and have a really low social life. Pretty much everyone except my few best friends can’t have a normal conversation with me without trying to end it or mocking me. I feel like everyone I hang out with thinks I’m a complete tagalong and the conversation and mood shifts dramatically when I’m gone. In fact, this applies so much that they aren’t even afraid to admit this in front of me and I even heard a so called friend say ” I don’t like odd numbers very much, do you? I kind of like the number 4 better, if you get the gist of things “. She then looked at me awkwardly and sniggered to another frenemy. I feel worthless and like no one except my family and few friends would care if I just vanished. Also, people mock me frequently about my awkwardness and my appearance. The people that do this are very popular and so whatever I do, it is going to end badly. Another thing that really bothers me is that my best friend is a year younger than me and I get teased a lot about this. They often jeer at me and ask me what her name is and get it wrong on purpose if I am cowardly enough to tell them. My self esteem is very low and I always turn down compliments and get embarrassed when someone is kind enough to give me one. I am officially the biggest weirdo in the school !
I’m 16. I think the problem is that I am too self conscious. I feel all eyes on me whenever I talk or do something. It causes me to sweat and forget what I was sayinglike an idiot.
In school, I only talk about school. I talk about other things only if somebody else brings it up. I’ve not had a girlfriend, or even a first kiss. Recently, I’ve been trying to act more confident. I feel a bit better, but know people think I’m cocky.
The comments on here are very inspirational. I think they are helping me see that I am not alone.
Hi. Im 30 and have never been called awkward before a month ago by one of my new housemates. Ive always presumed I suffer from mild social anxiety which ive covered up by drinking lots and forcing myself into new social situations. Ive recently gone through a series of relationship rejections and suffered from some higher than usual depression. Ive also stopped drinking as much to counteract the depression. I found my closest relationships suffered because of depression, inability to move on from the last relationship and lightening up on drinking which was how I bonded with my closest friends. Do you think being called awkward for the first time is just directly related to these life changes? Do you think it will go away when things start to work out better? Or is it possible that my new housemate is wrong and misreading something? She also said it was not in a shy way and she found it endearing. Ill tell you one thing, im an extrovert and no one would ever call me shy but is it possible to be confident yet awkward?
I need to also share this, when I am in any social gathering and if any of my friend say some joke about me , there is something happen to me, my face expressions changes into like…I don’t know what to say and then I noticed that the other friends watching my face expressions and that feels so bad, I don’t know what kind of a disorders is this, but after this I am always cursing my self that what’s wrong with me, I am facing this like 5 years, I tried to control this but still its screwing me..I really need help because it makes me feel like I am the biggest looser of this world.
Is it abnormal for someone not to enjoy going to a big party or a gathering. I am ok by myself I feel weird when I am in a group and everybody is talking at the same time, it sounds like a bunch of noise and when I can’t hear myself it sounds weird.
I can be very socially awkward as I do not know the right time to say something in a conversation. As I don’t get what they are really saying or want you to say. So sometimes it works fine on some things and then i can say the wrong thing on the other that can be inappropriate. I find it difficult to differentiate between the two. I don’t intend to be inappropriate or offensive but thats the way it comes across.
After reading this, I think many times I feel socially awkward. But, I don’t fit all the criteria. I always found it difficult to make friends, but only because I hate night clubs and I always wanted deep and meaningful connections with everyone I met. Now, after having a family and kids, I find it more difficult to make and keep friends. Although, I have a few couple friends, I feel it is on a superficial level. My husband, a project manager believes that all friendships have to remain on a superficial level to some degree because we all have to protect our hearts and live our lifes.
Hi tanja! i’m the same too, i have a hard time keeping friends because sometimes they’re too much of a bad influence, i don’t do the stuff they do or we our personality is different from each other or i’m not cool enough, i don’t listen to the music they listen to, and sometimes just wish i could find a friend who’s gonna be sincere and not care too much about how we look like or have a, like you said “deep and meaningful connections”
One thing to remember is that sometimes people have insecurities and avoid you because of what you remind them of. The trick to be socially accepted is to try and find people that share things in common with you. If people around you are too different than you, they tend to avoid you. You can quickly detect that when you’re a perfectly nice person and some people avoid you on purpose and yet, others welcome you with open arms. Bottom line is, hang out with people that are more like yourself. Like attracts like and opposites DON’t attract much in social interactions. Once you learn this trick, it all makes sense.
Hello! i think i might be Socially Awkard? but based on your article i’m able to pinpoint the reason why, 4 years ago, when my boyfriend would ask me to go with him to his job’s christmas party, or introduce me to them or show off the new place his working at and take the tour, i’m kinda scared and nervous that i’m not pretty or smart enough for them, or i get intimidated going to high-end places because i feel like i may not belong in there, i’m not sure if i’m just creating my own ghost, because i have been mentally crippled by repeated emotional abuse. but i’m fine going out normally or talking to people, i use my job as a practice and it felt like i was improving. one time my boyfriend parked his car at his work place and i didn’t have a choice but to meet his co-workers, it went well! i mean just like a n ordinary person making conversation, being comfortable and everything. but sometimes i still feel like i run out of topics or not able to continue the flow????
I am in hs and to some people I may not seem awkward at all. I act very confident in myself when I know I’m around people who are below me on the social foodchain or around new people. But wen I’m I front of friends who are more popular me…I.. I act shy and quirky and..weird. Anything I say people jut stare at me. Even situations when I should be confident I’m not. I have two “friends” who I used to be very very close with. But one girl, let’s say her name was Ashley, kept putting me down and kind of encouraged the other girl, let’s say her name was Leah, to do the same. Eventually they avoided me, never treated me the same, and always hung out with out me. They told me they still were best friends with me. But they weren’t. I was neverr
Comfortable with them but they were popular so I wanted to keep hanging out with them. Sadly, Ashley and I are on a team together…that’s not very fun for me. She makes it impossible for me to be myself. This article describes much of me but when I try to not be as awkward or more confident…I can’t. I don’t know what else to do.
Unfortunately Brit, ACTING confident doesn’t actually help you become more confident. You’re just faking it. There are specific behaviors and thinking patterns that shy and socially anxious people need to practice in order to BECOME confident.
Have you joined my social confident newsletter yet? I discuss these strategies in more detail there. You can join at: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
This fits exactly but I think I look weird and that’s why no one likes to talk to me. I feel like everyone wants to talk to the pretty person and also give weird eye contact. I’m so awkward my face just turns worried when people see my face because I think their judging me. I feel like people don’t care about me .I feel like people just look at me in disgust which always leads me to just keep my head down. I honestly thought of suicide but I just get scared. I don’t know how I will ever get a job or got to college.
I feel like my family hates me for being so awkward and shy! my dad calls be stupid, worthless and it really hurts!
Trust me Hun nobody looks at you in that way and please don’t think of ending your life. Your dad is out of order saying those nasty things to you, no father should make thier child feel like that. I’m sorry your feeling like this and yes life is hard sometimes it can really push us but you have to be strong and fight your demons. There are lots of books and website that can help you with your confidence and self worth. Is there anybody in youre family or school you can talk to about how your feeling?
I just started college 2 weeks ago…
I never talk to anyone. I sweat in class even though the a/c is freezing. I dread the fact that i have to talk to someone. Example: needing to go to the bookstore to buy a class requirement. my break feels so lonely. Im comfortable around family and friends of my family. but when i step outside it all changes…
I see other people talk to others like they know each other already. i wish i could do that buy i cant even look at someone in the eye for more than a second.
I’m 35 and have been in a dazz. I’ve always thought I was just funny and chilled and people just didn’t get me because I’m on another level and they are boring. No I look back with sadness and the kick in the gut realisation that I’ve just been insecure and stupid. I never ( still dont) knew how to communicate with people, I could never be serious, I was just a compleat joker. I have a few friends who i can be me with but I would get drunk be flirty, gossip. People didn’t like me I wasn’t someone people warmed to even tho in my head I was great fun and a nice person . how can people not. I’m not confident and it shows but I thought i hide it well another problem is I’m to honest I feel like I have to tell everything like that’s going to make people like me! .
Now I’m older its getting more obvious, people are older and have children, its alot more serious now. I feel for my husband, I know alot of his friends and thire wife’s think I’m scatty well just don’t take me seriously and because I know I act odd. I so want to be normal and have the confidence or even the bloody understanding of how to talk and communicate properly. God it’s frustrating!! I feel like I’m just stupid. I’m deep tho and im always thinking about the meaning of life and energy/vibrations. I think to funking much! I’m lonely to be honest and want people to like me and I’m going to try and change this . I don’t like regrets but I can’t help but wish I saw this in me sooner but I grew up with nobody caring or loving me in the way a child should have and that’s where all this shit has come from. I lake confidence and self worth and I need to work on it. Good luck everyone xx
Knowing just how socially awkward has bothered me for quite some time now. Reading stuff that says “being socially awkward is ok” or “being an introvert is good” just make me more sad and resentful. Do I understand that life isn’t fair? Sure I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that being socially inept in society makes it impossible to be successful. I am in college and literally have no friends. Not because I don’t want friends, I simply cannot make friends. I won’t even speak to how impossible approaching a female is, haha. Unfortunately I am very skeptical about the claim that being socially inept is reversible. Anyhow, I’m done spatting how terrible my life is and from the bottom of my heart, I wish all the fellow introverts stuck in the same situation the best of luck.
I have recently been told I am socially awkward by a “friend”. I personally don’t think I am socially awkward, I will talk to pretty much anyone that will talk with me, the problem I find is that the things I care about are not typical topics of discussion. I care a lot about world problems, and find it’s incredibly important to talk about them to people. The majority of people don’t want to hear it. When I talk to people about world problems and basically get shut down, I shut down. I don’t really care to talk about much more, because really what else is important? America/the World is in serious trouble, if you won’t talk with me about world problems or listen to what I have discovered why should I care to carry on a conversation with you ??? Am I really socially awkward, or just fed up with ignorant people ?
You’re not socially awkward, but really stop talking about the same topic, it’s boring and probably makes you sound like some crazy hippie, telling people that america or the world is in danger instead of having a normal conversation.
I find it hard to make friends and people seem to ignore me and treat me as unworthy. Some people pick me out to make fun of because they see me as weaker than them and I don’t understand why.
I’m so glad I found this website. Feels good not being alone in this matter. What I’ve learned is that when you end up in an awkward situation, everyone is in it. I usually tend to take the whole thing as a sign of my own incompetence. Don’t get stuck on blaming yourself, and don’t blame others for doing the same.
If you do create the silence, apologize and ask what you said wrong. Maybe this will open a discussion about the matter. Then the same mistake won’t happen again.
The article was a good read, but I feel it necessary to make an important distinction about one of the points you made.
6. The lack of meaningful connections with others. – specifically having few if any friends and spending a lot of time alone.
Yes, this CAN be an indicator of social awkwardness when factored in conjunction with other characteristics. As a stand alone however it would be misleading, because it is very relative. Many introverts who are otherwise well balanced with good social and emotional intelligence, will often have fewer close friends, smaller social circles, and spend considerable amounts of time alone. Most introverts will never question this is being abnormal, but non-introverts could interpret it as “socially awkward”. It is a disservice to the introverted population to send the message that there is anything wrong or abnormal with the balanced interpersonal behaviour that keeps them emotionally healthy.
I’m almost 50 and have also been socially awkward my whole life. It really doesn’t bother me anymore. Some people just want to fit in and become cliquish. Fine. I have a few good friends and my unique, personal sense of humor. I just want to be myself. To heck with fitting in. Sooner or later the real me will end up coming out, which I like better anyway.
My 2 cents.
This was an interesting read, and the comments by everyone else was quite insightful, as I could relate to some of these points.
Currently, I’m 22 and working full time but I find it really hard to get along with my colleagues at work, with the exception of a few, as there’s just not much to talk about (very few mutual hobbies and a completely different social norm/upbringing). This itself has driven me to be isolated from my colleagues at lunch and social events, also it’s making me develop negative thoughts and the constant stream of ‘depression’ or questions of ‘what’s wrong with me?’, which was reinforced by a physical accident earlier on the that caused me to question the motives of people and as to why I am feeling so lonely at the moment. It’s also making me less out going/house bound and a few of my close friends have mentioned that I seem different ever since I started working here. It’s gotten to the point where it did play a big factor as to why I handed in my notice at work, the other reason was because the company principles did not align with my own.
Now I don’t see myself as a socially awkward individual, in fact I’m quite the jokester and always up for laughs in several of my friend circles but I do notice that I am quite timid/shy in large groups of unknown individuals at first and my input tends to be on the limited side; however, I do enjoy social interactions, especially meaningful one on one conversations, and would consider myself to be able to hold and make a conversation flow quite readily without making the other party feel awkward. Though, recently I question myself and my social life at work, again relating back to the idea that I haven’t really made any true friends at my so called work place that I would like to stay in touch with when I leave, and my colleagues tend to ignore me (no eye contact/greeting) despite obviously walking pass them, which makes me feel so insignificant!
Also, I feel like my love life is drawing to a dilemma, I haven’t been in a serious relationship since my undergrad (about 4 years ago), though, I do enjoy the odd nights going out and successfully ‘picking up’, the problem is though that most of my close friends are now in relationships and so I hardly see them (hardly go out to have fun now as well!), and with this issue at work I feel like my confidence in meeting new people and getting to know them has dropped significantly, making it so much harder meeting new people and developing meaningful relationships, either as friends or as partners.
Maybe it’s because of social barriers I put up, because of my upbringing (the naughty kid whose parents and children would avoid) and social environment (crime driven neighborhood); or maybe it is because of the negativity/body language I project (lack of confidence and depression brought on by my current employment), or maybe I am just socially awkward as a result of these factors playing together…
PS. I feel much better writing this all out here. 🙂
Hi, I am 31 years old and work in an office environment. I am very socially awkward and feel that this shows. The more I think about it the more anxious I feel and it just snowballs from there. I have a work breakfast coming and keep thinking of excuses to get out of it- I feel so anxious it is starting to make me feel sick to the stomach.
I am not sure if my social awkwardness shows or not as noone has ever commented. If I am with two or more people at a time I overthink what I am going to say and feel that noone would care about my opinion, and sometimes wonder if anyone even likes me. This is getting worse with age. My friends have all settled and have children so I rarely go out anymore and I feel that may be this is contributing. I used to be so confident and the life and soul of the party and I wish I could be this fun-loving popular person again. I am now just a shadow of my former self which makes me feel sad.
I am a very funny, fun-loving person but have just lost touch with this and as a result feel that everyone must think I am boring and have no opinions. People do laugh at me and say that I am dippy which they find ‘endearing’, but I feel as though they think I am just stupid. I think this roots from being bullied at school, having a tough childhood, and one of my ex boyfriends ruined my confidence by constantly telling me I am fat. I feel a bit worthless, very unattractive and feel that others judge me all the time. Sometimes I feel it is best and safer to be alone.
Hi Mim,
You’ve described a thought and behavioral pattern that’s very common for the people I coach. I recommend you get on my free newsletter, where I’ll share with you practical advice on improving your social skills and social interactions. Here: http://socialconfidencesecrets.com
Well. I don’t actually want to socialize with the people I hate or be “IN” their group.
Well, they never make me feel like I belong with them, and this makes others like me become an outcast.
Also I am very very socially awkward around people, quiet, and shy. And for some reason very hateful too. Geez. And I really hate where I’m at. And won’t care if they failed to live. But sorry about that guys, I’ve been around so many hateful and distrustful people all my life. 🙁
This is a sign of a cat person: Independent, out of a group, and creative.
For a sign of a dog person: Dependant, team player, and traditional.
So people, you have a choice, would you rather be a cat or a dog person. The choice is yours. And I am more of a cat person. And it isn’t something to be mad about, you are what you relate to.
ok,I don’t think I’m socially awkward because in any Situation I am always calm and collected. I’m just not that talkative. I can think of topics, just don’t know how to bring them up. maybe I am just a quiet guy naturally
after i read quite number of article about social awkwardness,article about ( why i often out of conversation when to talk to people ) .. I can only think of a few number of conversation(same conversation) everytime when talk to people.
Normally,when i meet and knows a new person,i will try my best to knows them but after some moment,they will suddenly ignore me or completely ignore me.Until now i also dont really know the exact reason why this happen everytime.
Tired of this. Dont know why other person are so lucky and have so many friend,except me.
Anyone can help here ???
how to settle all this problem? anyone know?
Hey, I have always defined myself as awkward. And when I read this it perfectly matched my personality. This has always caused depression. It has kept me away from having a love life. The way I can sorta socialize is on internet. I go to sites like Kongregate and other sites with chats. But when I first started chatting I was still awkward. But after a while I overcame some of my shyness and have many friends. So hopefully that means I have hope for overcoming my condition in the real world. I have a hard time even talking with Friends. I think I am just afraid that I can’t offer anything interesting. Every conversation I try having with a girl is terrifying and difficult. I try to be charming but it fails, and I hate when see the girl’s face covered with disgust. I’ve always wondered if I produce an odor or something that shows that I’m lonely or awkward. I’m sorry for wasting anyone’s time that read this. 🙁 I just wanted to be heard once.
These factors definitely apply to me. I go to a small high school, so I actually talk to a lot of people in my class, but I feel bad because I never hang out with them outside of school. Last summer I started my first job and I never knew what to talk about with my coworkers so they just kind of ignored me.
But what really worries me about my awkwardness is the ability to be professional. I just had a scholarship interview and I was really nervous. I wasn’t thinking as clearly as I could, and I think I could have answered a lot of questions differently. I hope I can build confidence so that I can talk more effectively after high school when I have to meet all new people.
Heyy, really need a bit of advice.
So I went on two dates with a guy, both went really well.. Because I had had quite a bit of alcohol, I find it a lot easier to talk to people after a few drinks, like most people, anyway today we had a third date, and it was very very awkward, I am a shy girl, and find it difficult to talk to people, or to be confident. I am not ugly (not to sound big headed, but the guys I have previously seen have all been really hot), but I just feel like my confidence ruins it because I don’t know what to say and I worry incase he thinks I am boring. I also think I will never find a guy because of how low my self esteem is. Please help x
Your comments make me want to cry. I used to have heaps of friends at primary school then when I stepped into high school, I was a complete loner. I wasn’t completely a reject like this kid in a class who everyone avoids, I have a handful of friends in this new school. thx for this article
I am a shy, quiet, socially awkward, and distant person all in one. But, I can open up to strangers as well. The problem I have is being less comfortable around others socially. I sometimes do not know what to say when I am around certain people. And if I say something wrong, I may be ignored or considered weird.
Fortunately, I do have a friend I have not spoken in years. But, when I called her, I did not feel any awkwardness at all. I guess that because I opened up to her about who I am and my true feelings.
Based on my personal experience, talking to the right person about your character, traits, etc. is the solution for people dealing with shyness, social awkwardness, tranquility, and or other signs of introversion.
I’m super socially awkward. I have been since grade school. I’m a bookworm (I read the dictionary for fun and look up anything I ever wonder about, which is basically everything). I grew up in a pretty nerdy household, with computers and encyclopedias strewn around the place, and nightly boisterous discussions and arguments about politics, news, history, physics, philosophy, or whatever topic came up. I have a difficult time not carrying that same habit of picking everything apart and examining it like one of the old computers. I get called a know-it-all, and argumentative (because I can’t not speak my mind…it’s just not in me to listen to someone saying something that’s factually inaccurate or to not interject my own opinion if someone is sharing theirs in conversation). I actually have a fairly good sense of humor, I think, and can make people laugh pretty easily (especially when I’m a bit tipsy) but when I’m around new people I often don’t realize when they are joking. I also tend to go on about myself when I don’t know what to talk about or to relate to what someone else is saying, and go really in depth about every conversation topic (again, it’s just what I was brought up to do – my family was that way, and my friends until I moved into the city were that way…we’d have huge parties and get drunk / smoke a little weed and delve as deep into any topic as we could, from toilet habits or our worst school teachers to the origin of the universe or ancient history). I have a difficult time having lighter conversations or knowing what to ask people to keep them talking so I don’t make a fool of myself.
…halp.
I am near 40 and gay. I am very attractive and get hit on all the time but I refuse. I hate how gay men can be so vicious. I already know what they are going to say. He got looks and NO personality at all. Everytime I am with a group,I just sit there and smile, have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I can only think of being by myself and how exhausting this is. I daydream a lot, have no hobbies other than daydreaming about how I wished my life was. Cant focus and nothing seems to ever come out right. Sometimes I hate speaking. I send off a weird vibe. Sometime people can get pissed off at me cause I have nothing to say, or they think I am a narcissist. I am passionate but dont really know what I’m passionate about. I sit in my apartment all weekend, not one phone call or text. Dont really know what it is I like to do anymore. Hmmm…..almost 40 and im still clinging on to the fact that Im gonna find that place where i fit, where I belong.
I recently just moved to another city for Uni and sometimes i just feel like people avoid me on purpose, but after reading this it gave me hope of making new friends and feeling happy in this new environment i am in.
I just read the part with the signs, 100% correct
Didn’t read the part how to fix it because i hate my self too much to try
Why am i tell you this ? I have no idea.
I have been socially awkward my whole life, and have never been able to make friends untill the middle school for some reason. I guess I made an odd impression when I was in elementry or people made fun of me for a characteristic I will never know what I had differently from anybody else, so I never talked to anybody in fear of rejection or them making fun of me behind my back or right at my face. This continued on even now that I’m in high school (Though no one makes fun of me anymore I think), But now I have a wonderful circle of friends and my awkwardness has slightly declined these past two years. One day some one confronted me and aked me why I act so awkwardly. Their question hurt but its true.
Anyway, the thing is I’m moving to a different town, thus leaving my friends I worked so hard to finally have after years of solitude and I fear that I will never make friends again at a new setting, and Im bad at first impressions.
My situation:
I am 16 years old.
I have no friends.
I am a slacker/procrastinator.
I don’t feel like I need friends.
I prefer to read a book than to talk with people.
I have been in relationships but have never asked a girl out.
I have always been the one to end relationships.
I do not care about what people think of me.
I don’t speak to people much because I find social interaction to be a hassle.
I adapt to how people respond to me. (I mean that when I first meet someone my conversation might seem strange at first because I speak about multiple topics, each very different from the last. This is to get a feel of the type of person this is and what I should speak about when around them)
Most of the time my conversations go well but I dislike them because they lack direction. I hate to converse just to converse, if I have to speak I want it to be because let’s say I need to ask them for something or there is a specific topic.
Don’t know what else to add. I know I am socially awkward but I feel that it is because I don’t feel the need to be social. ( I put a lot of information I didn’t have to in case there’s something whoever reads this sees wrong with me or my views.)
It’s scary how closely I relate to the stuff you said! I have noticed all the things you mentioned in myself (besides the relationship part, lol).
I fit in this category, but what’s more scary is that after a certain point that I started actually questioning about my social interaction and realized I am awkward(I actually was so sensless that I wasn’t even aware of this) I feel I’m used to the uncomfortable, often indirectional, useless interactions and situations in front of me-I’m getting USED to how people treat me, I don’t even remember how it feels like to have a fulfilling, social interactions in front of my eyes, and so since I don’t know, I keep doing things without knowing some things are offending people- I’ve never been in a conversation involving me that doesn’t include some sort of personal insult towards me or expression of frustration of people-also towards me, and then after the moment(s because there are several..) I stay silent, we all carry on with the “normal” topics but it is all after they stabbed my heart! I’ve never had these moments with any one-o-one conversations, they don’t have the guts to do it- it’s when we are in a group of people that allow them to talk to the person next to them about me as if I don’t exist or don’t understand what they say. They, talk ‘about’ me, ‘at my face’! Isn’t this the most ridiculous thing? Don’t you do that on an ‘object’? That moment I am basically ‘out’ – they keep on with this with “okay now she’s mad. Such a frustrating person.” They basically have to spend minutes to analyze and tear down (as if they’re dissecting a fish) ALL my gestures and facial expressions- when people do this to others they often think they’re not listening- but no, they do this in front of my face ‘at’ me. In the worst way possible. And then after I am completely torn down they calm down and carry on with another subject. I always experience this ‘psyched out’ moment in front of crowd, constantly. I just do it. Connection with others? No, that is non-existence for me. I find it extremely hard to trust anyone. Any ‘negative’ sounding words feel like are towards me.
“Be yourself” “don’t do or say anything you’re not comfortable with” are probably expressions I’ve heard the most times in my life. I just don’t think I’m fast enough, to react or express myself- feels like I’m wasting most of my time trying to understand something and trying to overcome my emotional discomfort. So….. many times these expressions just sound like a ‘concept’ to me- they don’t mean anything anymore to me feels like they’re some response that I need to hear after ranting about something to whoever feels the need to say it to me as comfort. I just wish sometime to be able to develop some brain mechanism as my personal social guide- that puts up words in front of my eyes that I can say- I can say words and act- just don’t know which ones and which actions haha.
I suffer from anxiety and depression. I know that I’m socially inept. All I do is sit home by myself. I’m 18 turning 19 in a couple weeks and I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 15. I’m not a neck beard or anything, I’m actually told I’m a really attractive person a lot, but I normally don’t listen to it when I hear it, because its usually just my family that tells me that or my parents friends or something. I have a couple friends, but I never talk to them unless they call or text me first. I can talk to them fine, but when ever I go with them they’re usually with people I don’t know or that I can’t relate to in any way shape or form. I guess it’s because I’m not interested in drinking and partying, and playing sports. I’m interested in video games and being by myself. I have totally different taste in music. I feel I don’t fit it with anyone, or anywhere. I always just sit there not talking or even listening when I’m with my “friends”. I know how to talk to people, it’s just usually I’m very shy and can’t relate to anyone whatsoever. I feel like my life is empty and often find myself looking at the ceiling thinking about what it’s like to be somebody in this world. Everyone I know is outgoing but me and it makes me feel like dog s**t. I don’t use drugs except for my prescribed kilonopin for my anxiety attacks. I stopped smoking weed when I started having anxiety attacks and now I’m more depressed than ever. If I could just learn to be normal and have a good life, it’d be like waking up in heaven. I became so socially depressed I dropped out of school because I had no one at all. I sat in lunch with one person throughout my whole entire junior year in high school. I considered suicide twice but I feel it isn’t worth it I always tell myself it will get better, but it never does. I think a lot of my problems stem from being from a poor family and going to a school with middle class and rich kids. I was never accepted. My parents split up when I was ten and my mom went with a drug addict and got addicted to heroin and I felt was left alone, even though I wasn’t. I know I rambled on for a while, but honestly getting stuff off of my chest feels good. I wish I could talk to people in person like this but I’m to shy. I feel alone and I guess that’s why I just like to be alone, even though I hate it. It doesn’t make sense. I considered counselling but I can’t talk to people I’m so awkward. I’m also a virgin and I feel so insecure about this. Because everyone I know has girlfriends and have all had sex and I always feel awkward because they’ll talk about it, and I have nothing to add. I’m just so different from everyone. I used to be outgoing but I honestly don’t know what happened to me. My life fell apart. I used to go to the gym workout and be physically active. I haven’t had a girlfriend since 2011 and I think of her everyday, even though she hates me and I haven’t spoken a word to her since. I want to go find someone but I don’t know how or where to start. I have no Facebook twitter instagram or anything because I feel I wouldn’t even be able to get friends on social media websites. I’m so helpless. I’m sorry for making an obnoxiously long comment, but it feels good. I read every comment on here and I relate to their problems but my story is just so different. And this story is so incomplete, but I’ve been typing this for like 25 minutes now on my phone and my fingers hurt. I cried for the first time in years the whole time I typed this. It feels good to pour my emotions out. Thanks for this article it made me think and I actually opened up for once. I wish everyone the best of luck.
Reading some of these comments really hits home for me. I feel where you are coming from because I have been there. (Not saying im not socially inept anymore I definitely am) Dont ever give up if you feel hopeless because your not alone. One of the worst things you can do is get depressed over it. Just remember that tomorrow is another day a new chance to change and take a step forward. Eventually you will get to where your going.
I am in sales, I meet lot of customers and convert them too, but in group meetings or discussions , I become silent, some thing blocks me in joining the conversation, may be I am scared of using wrong dialogs may be I feel I am not up to the mark to comment or what so ever
I’ve been been doing really well in making improvements in my social awkwardness, however there’s ONE major issue I seriously need help with, and it’s the fear of running into people who knew me before I made improvements. I feel like if I ever ran into them, they’d never let me live down how awkward I was or would refuse to believe and or accept that I’ve changed. Also, I’m afraid of them telling some of the new people I might ever meet about how I was, and thus causing them to rethink about being my friend.
Advice?
Wow!! This is spot on! It’s crazy because I’ve felt this way my whole life and people don’t understand when I try to explain. I’m somewhat pretty, so most of the time I come off as rude or stuck up. Which is obviously the complete opposite of my intentions! Sometimes I do feel that I come off as creepy…it doesn’t help that I dress dark haha. I’ve honestly done a lot of things that I thought would cure this…like pageants, modeling, public speaking, karaoke, placing myself in conversations with people I don’t know, etc., but for some reason I still deal with social awkwardness. It’s a real hassle trying to over come it daily. But usually have enough strength to do it. I guess it’s a good thing that I actually like being alone. But I wouldn’t mind having more friends! 🙁
I got this problem im 100% sure my life is kinda shitty …i dont have social life…im allweys feeling nervous around people..and very uncorfbtble…i have only one friend that i feel comfrtable around him…plus he had what i had…he got over it…he got girlfriend and he got good social life…well i dont …i dont know why im allweys nervous and shy and allways quite ….i dont have confidence and im a tennager im not like the other kids im a nerd witout friends…im a cool person and very chill when u get close too get to know me enough that dosent happen …never….im like onion u taking one peice and the other one is just likr the last one…i need to chsnge my look ? Or my head ? Or what ?
I’m socially awkward, but that is mostly due to being autistic. What annoys me most is when someone just expects me to *know* something, and when I say I don’t understand, they don’t believe me. They will stand there and argue with me that I do know how and just refused to do it, like I’m lying or something. Things that are obvious to you guys just doesn’t dawn on me, I have to be taught and most people are too impatient to teach me (that’s when they actually believe me when I say I don’t know how). Thank God I have met and made friends with good people who understand that being weird is Okay and that we’re nice people and good friends if given the chance!
This is very accurate! I only reacently started questioning whether I was just doomed to be that guy who just sits there staring gormlesly into the conversations around me wishing I could be a part of one, rather than being well “normal” and being able to interact with my friends. The only thing that seems to make my social life bareable is alcohol. I am now trying to force my self into conversations but at the moment I can’t make them last more than the time it’s takes to ask “hey, how’s it going pal” and “been up to much”…. The 2 scripted lines I have given myself.
I always thought that i’m worse than other people because of my social awkwardness. There is the type of people that loves to make fun of others that seem weak. And they made me feel bad about myself in my childhood. Now i understand more about myself. I started to learn the social rules. I’m trying not to act strange. That’s really hard. Also I’m starting to hate people who are telling me “don’t be shy” or “you’re strange”. And they don’t want to hear that it’s just me being myself and I can do nothing about it. That people don’t understand the variety of human’s personalities. And i’m thinking that i’m not the one who is worse than others. Most people are really stupid and intolerant. Sorry for my english.
I’m glad that I can actually “diagnose” myself to a degree and it’s not just me being weird and antisocial. However, I feel like it’s almost like an excuse I’m using to accidentally say the wrong thing or come off rude to others. A lot of the times it feels like I’m in one sided relationships (romantic or not). It gets kind of lonely but I’m to nervous to do anything about it :/
I don’t know if I can be classified as socially awkward? I know all the rules for comportment, I can be an extremely good listener, polite, sometimes center of attention, yet, I do not possess the selfconfidence I project, some people find me overconfident, and even hard, but I can be scared just to walk in to a room with a lot of people, especially if I do not know anyone in the room, and then I will do anything to become one with the wallpaper, while at the same time, wishing to interact with others.
I know I am well spoken, and have no problem standing on a stage or podium and giving lectures or speaches. On the other hand I know that a great percentage of people try to avoid me, because they find me weird, strange, and am often told so.
I am like a huge contradiction, I am not shy, at all really, but I know that I come over very strange with a lot of people, so though they want to absorb knowledge from me, which can give me settings were I can even feel popular, but friendship, no.
I will in the company of others, keep talking to avoid awkvard silence, deep down I think, that if there is silence, then something is wrong, and therefore I must keep going, if no-one else says anything, this to the annoyance of others, who may think I talk too much.
I know how I am percieved by many, this makes me anxious and it makes things worse, I hope for the acceptance of others, which sometimes makes me say or write things, which I even when writing or saying them, know I should better keep my mouth shot, and that I will upset at least some people, but I do it anyway, even if I know it will hurt myself in the end. I am never cruel or personal, but I will make outrageous statements, challenging the intellect of others. It is as if I cannot stop myself. After such incidents, I tend to withdraw completely from contact with others, for weeks, sometimes even for month.
As a child I never felt I belonged, and withdrew into a world filled with animals and nature, and though I played with other children, I spent far more time alone, than in the company of others, I talked with animals, not just now and again, but always, animals were my confidantes, only they knew me for who I am, and even, only they truly know me.
I have not lived an average life, having lived in seven countries on three continents, I have a different and in some sense, extended life experience, and many cannot come to terms with taht, that I have gained insight many others do not have.
I am not a better person than anyone else, neither am I worse, but I am different. And I do wish I was better at being just another normal person, not this freak that I am now, for even if I am strange, I have the same desires, the same wishes, and the same needs as anyone else.
Am I ‘Socially Awkward’ or just a weirdo?
I am 20 – 21 in a few months time – and am really socially awkward. As someone who was an outsider they probably wouldn’t expect me to be socially awkward as I don’t exhibit the majority of the traits listed. I mainly only relate to ‘lack of conversation flow’ and ‘lack of meaningful conversation’. I have a fair few friends and good relationships with them, however I want to expand. I work with a lot of great people, I actually like every single person at my work place, as they’re all friendly towards me and don’t ridicule/mock me (at least not to my face, they might say things behind my back, however I rarely hear them bitch about others so they probably don’t birch about me). I think I am avoided sometimes though and I know everyone has their own preference of who they want to work with, I pretty sure everyone prefers to work to someone other than me. I don’t know how to properly make conversation with them and really only manage to make small talk eg ‘how are you, how’s your weekend’ ect. And sometimes I find things to talk about but it’s always really forced conversation and usually about me – as talking about yourself as opposed to just having a casual conversation is much easier – and I’m scared that makes them think I’m really self-involved when I’m not. I think they – or most of them – think I’m really boring as I don’t talk much, when again, that’s not the case, I’m pretty fun and funny when I am comfortable around people.
I’ve read a lot about people saying they try to avoid social situations, however I’m the opposite. I jump at all social events possible as I think that possibly may help me get to know coworkers better. However I’m not invited to things really ever so I don’t get the opportunity. I’m better at talking to people in a group as it means someone else can start a conversation and then I can contribute something every so often, and there never has to be an awkward silence as there are other people around to talk to. Problem is, in my workplace, it is always only two people working in my department so it’s not possible to have that group conversation at work. I can tell that I’m the outcast, despite everyone being really nice to me, and desperately want to be friends and invited out with them. Sometimes someone from another department will come down for a small chat and them and the other person I’m working with always talk so easily and have funny conversations, and whilst I’m able to add in my contribution and they’ll respond to what I’ve had to say it always feels like it’s just their one on one conversation and I’ve just randomly jumped in from time to time.
I don’t understand how people talk so comfortably with everyone. There will be some people that I’ve literally just met and can talk to like were best friends but then there’s everyone at work I always struggle to talk with. I’ve on one or two occasions (with different people) sort of managed to work into the conversation that I am quite shy, so they know that I’m not either really boring and/or just don’t get social cues, but instead struggle to break out of my shell. Also it’s my 21st birthday soon too and I want to have a big typical 21st party (I don’t know if people outside of Australia celebrate 21at birthdays but here it’s a big deal) and want to invite them but it would really weird as I don’t know them well.
If anyone bothered to read to the end of my massive long rant, please help, I’m sick of being awkward and struggling to fit in 🙁
I am 29 & feels the same way you do. I especially relate to people thinking I am self involved. I just get nervous & start rambling about myself & what I have going on. Mostly because once I get past the small talk my mind goes blank, then there is the awkward silence while my head is spinning with hurry up say something but all I draw is blanks. I am also really good at cutting into peoples conversations then afterwards I always think why did I just do that? I know how it feels to be avoided. I always try to do nice things for people & help them out but I am finding that maybe it just makes me look weirder. Like I am some kind of creeper.
Growing up I was always really shy. I had a few close friends that I could open up with & talk to. I remember even then when we would be joking around they would tell me I was weird. Throughout the end of middle school all the way up to college I tried to be that cool nonchalant person. Some times I could pull it off but other times my awkward weirdness would come out and I always said the wrong thing. Part of my problem might be that I go through every conversation over & over in my head & every awkward comment I made stings. After college I got married to an outgoing person. The opposite of me. Strange thing is he thinks my weird awkward comments are funny for the most part. I think I use him as a social crutch. We have 2 kids. I put all my focus in my 2 kids because I feel like I can control how good at that I am. So I have basically alienated myself from any social contact with adults besides my few coworkers & husband. My husband has tons of friends & is always talking & texting with them. My phone only rings when my husband calls. I think I am too far gone to come back. I just wish I could stop being so inappropriate & stop rambling on & on because it really stinks not having anyone to talk to.
OMG! You just wrote a short biography of my social life. :O. It’s so spot on! I think I have quite acceptable self-confidence/self-esteem. Maybe I need a little bit more of that. It’s just that, sometimes I’m too bubbly and can come off like a bulldozer, like coming on way too strong. The thing is that I’m too self-conscious, but on the other side, I also am not quite aware of the ‘normal’ social norms. I also used to think that following the acceptable social behavior is just boring, I love to be the ‘nonconformist’, unique, original hipster. But maybe, now it’s time for experimenting with stuff. I’d educate myself about how to socialize properly, not coming off too strong, learn what ‘the whole mass’ like, the popular fad/stuff, and just keep practicing on being a ‘normal’, ‘social’ individual.
I think you’re on to something. I suggest you start your education on how to socialize better with my social success newsletter, which you can join here: http://www.socialconfidencesecrets.com
i think this seldom describes me but have drastically improved. Being bored in a conversation, shy around opposite sex good examples of socially awkward.
So im apparently socially akward but one of my symptoms didnt show up on your list and I really need to fix it. When im even with a small group of people I dont know I cant breath I get extremely nervous and I had to remove myself from the group to be able to breath. Whats wrong with me can you give me any tips on how to fix this?
Im not a doctor or anything, but I think it is widely accepted that anxiety and breathing are related, so it sounds like your breathing problem is an outcome of the anxiety/nervousness . Either way if you haven’t already it would probably be a good idea to speak to your doctor about this.
I think that this is just me.
I have just come home from a party I wasn’t there for very long because some girls I went to school were there I went up and said hello and they replied but whet back talking to who they were before and that made me very uncomfortable and I do not know how to over come this. I am so use to going places with my small group of friends but non of them could make it.
So I felt really awkward and sick in the stomach so someone came and got me!!
What is wrong with me
Wow. Hit the nail on the head. I’m a devorced dad. I live on my own. See my kid on the weekends. And even struggle with conversation with my 5 year old when I see her. During the week I go to work (which is a 3 minute walk from my apartment). I barely socialize with my coworkers. And I go home. I have a hard time going out really any other time. I visit family and I feel awkward there as well. You say to get over the problem is to just go and try to socialize. Not as easy as you may think. I wish it was. I do enjoy being with people. Is just hard to get out of my shell.
Wow! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there who has this problem. It just seems everyone I meet seems so ‘normal’. I am always so worried about what to say, how to sit, where to put my hands, etc. I really have trouble following a conversation & then I think over and over in my head: what do I say? will this sound stupid?
I really think I just lack confidence..
This article describes me 100%. Currently, I’m sort of good at making new friends, but I’m shifting to become a 3rd wheel (or more, and in a friendship way, NOT DATING) in most of my groups of friends that I have had for a while. This partly is because middle/high school scheduling is awful and I haven’t had many classes at all with long-term-friends for the past 2 years, though we sometimes pass between classes. Also there’s the fact that marching band takes up a lot of time in my life and I love it so much that I would rather not give it up. But besides these, I’m still HEAVILY socially awkward.
I too wanted my name to appear on this list, because I too am a sufferer. The weird thing is for me is that I am not shy and for me this is an intermittent problem, which makes the whole thing a bit more confusing. I have work to do though, there is no doubt about that. It really sucks when it feels like everyone around you is swimming, embracing flirting, whilst you are sitting in the most remote, most dingy part of where you happen to be, embarrassed that your drowning, feeling totally inhibited, looking for someone to blame.
TRUTH is, it probably is down to upbringing, but the cause is irrelevant, it has to be, all that matters is the cure and the victory of breaking the spell. One day this will never, ever happen to me again.
Wow, it feels like this read my mind. It’s almost chilling how accurate the video and article were.
Thank you for the suggestions.
I actually fit into this category but it’s a little different for me. If I am performing on stage like singing or dancing, I don’t get nervous at all but if I am around people, say like talking about something, then I display this weird way of interacting and people mock me. But sometimes I behave differently like several people do get a little cautious when I keep a straight face. The problem with me is that I am afraid that I will get aggressive if people tease me so I control that and that leads into some sort of shyness.
I will be coming back to read all of the comments later but just wanted to tell you all that I recently found out that people thought I was stuck up because of my behaviours, this year I will be 49 : ( now I know why people avoid me. Lucky for some you have found out early but for me. I did ask others on many occassions, what did i do or say that made things change?? The answer was you are paranoid or imagining things because they did not want to say they thought i was stuck up.
I am quite conscious of not saying anything insensitive about current events or something that might offend someone but my social awkwardness lies in that I have a hard time keeping the conversation flowing or approaching people at the start, and developing and maintaining friendships.
I don’t know why I’m weird, I don’t know that why people always socialize, endless conversation and mostly non-sense conversations (based on my experienced). I’m a type of person that doesn’t like to socialize because I don’t really like it, I don’t want to talk most about of my identity and my experiences, and I never going out with them.
I was born in a wealthy and strict family. I enjoy doing things alone and due to my strict family, mostly my mother, I’ve never experienced to go and hang out with my friends and never allowed to drink alcoholic drinks because they never let me go with them and because they are strict. My mother and her parents (my grandparents) was an anti-social that only focused on their work and spending time to their family which that I’ve inherited it. She want me to be safe and she is a protective mother until now.
I am 19 years old, a college student that never experienced social activities until I go graduate. I may experience and develop it lately if I have a my own money and work.
I think that the first step to curing social awkwardness is recognition of the fact that you share some of these traits. Ive only known a few people that have been noticeably more awkward than I in social situations, and the one thing they had in common was a lack of self awareness.
It was only until I myself practiced interacting with people more and becoming more aware of my own insecurities that I learned to feel more comfortable in social situations. This includes a lot of making mistakes and learning what works and what doesn’t. And let’s face it, communicating with people effectively can be incredibly difficult and trying at the best of times. It involves a lifetime of learning. However, a big part of it is shedding your ego and know that you’re never going to be able to please everyone, and the art of also not giving a sh*t is a tough one to master.
I like your last sentence the best. I’m working on that ever elusive but valuable trait.
I’m coming to the conclusion that the more ass….s you encounter, the easier it is to not give a sh*t! Lol!
It’s kinda like practice makes perfect, if you will.
LOL i have every single symptom mentioned above, and i always knew that im socially awkward,
I am having proplims with not being okward in public.
It really makes me feel bad when people look at me funny and laugh because i am weird.
My whole life i have been trying to fix this problem.
I really like how people are being thought full and telling us how to be better in life and make more friends.
Thank you for the support and for the help you give every body.
Well… I’m already in my third year in university, and I tried to force myself to join activities (although I’m so scared) so that i can maybe meet more people and hope that I could make some friends. However, i dont think my social-ing skill get any better. And I never can keep contact with those people i met. So at the end it would be me alone again. I got few close frds from my high school. But even in front of them, i find myself feeling awkward in some occasions when i gotta talk. I hate myself for feeling anxious easily that I cant express myself freely in front of others. And I hate that people misunderstood me as being “fake” sometimes when I didnt mean to be that way.
I’m the most awkward person I know. I’m introverted, I can’t make conversation, I’m terrible at talking to people. Whenever I make a joke, I’m the only one who finds it funny. Whenever I try “flirting”, I come off as sarcastic, cold, and distant.
Also, I have absolutely no clue on what to do in social situations. A few days ago I was invited to a party — and I pretty much just stared at my phone and the wall and my shoes and food the whole time. It sucked.
What do I do in a social situation when I suck at socialising?
Im also one of those kind, so i can really relate to what you said in this article. Though, I’m able to somehow realize the root of my problem.
I think that, knowledge is the best solution I’ve ever come up with. Because, if you know a lot of things which other do, It can be able to help you interact easily with other people, you can share opinion of whatever topic you guys are talking, or even joke around about it.
Ignorance is also one of the cause of awkwardness….
I am socially awkward. I don’t know when I see the crowd and strange people I fear out. I just want to escape from there. I tried a lot battling it out. But I always end up in the same place. And often I feel tired of this. I don’t know how to overcome this but it’s really a big issue when you can’t present yourself in public.
Interesting article. I’m a self diagnosed socially awkwardee myself.
I can built up the confidence to engage socially when I have to or after pushing myself, and sometimes even enjoy it but it’s my self analysing of every word spoken and non verbal reaction after coming away that I can’t handle. I get a feeling of vonrability and being exposed that leads me to not want to be around others.
How do I get past this?