Social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter tend to have curious effects on people and their social lives. One thing I notice is how many of those who use them tend to fall into one of two opposite categories:
- The people who have a rich, active offline social life and use socialization through social networking sites as an extension of this one. Social media is for them an opportunity to communicate more, with more people, from more locations.
- The people who basically have no offline social life and use socialization through social networking sites as a replacement for it. Social media is for them a way to compensate a lack of face to face interactions, by spending a lot of time communicating online.
Now, can you guess the people from which category I believe have a problem? That’s right, the people in the second group. Those who don’t balance their online social life with their offline one. And I believe their problem is two-folded: it has a component related to impact and one to relationships.
Weakening your impact
The first side of the problem is that by interacting almost exclusively online with the people you could also be interacting with offline, you considerably diminish your impact. Offline communication may require more time and effort, but it definitely has its rewards in terms or the influence you can achieve.
This is why I’m a big supporter of things like public speaking, networking face to face and having good people skills for face to face interactions. Usually, you will get the best results by mixing and balancing online with offline communication.
Having superficial relationships
The second side of the problem is that by interacting almost exclusively online with people, your relationships often end up being very shallow. Face to face interactions can have a lot more depth and a bigger emotional charge than the ones on the Internet. They can make relationships develop easier and become much stronger.
Those who have few face to face interactions often feel lonely and a lack of real connection with other people. From an emotional perspective, they essentially have second rate, noticeably less fulfilling social lives.
In general, my experience as a communication coach is that too much of an online social life by comparison with the offline one is a sign of a shy, insecure person with not so good people skills. Not chronically shy, those people don’t even chat online, but still. Many of the geeks who a decade ago played Nintendo all day long are now represented by geeks with fake social lives.
Getting out of the shell
Do you have 2000 Facebook friends and only 2 live friends? Do you spend a lot more time interacting with people online than offline? Do you often feel lonely and disconnected? These are all different pieces of the same puzzle.
The first step to improvement as a person in this group is recognizing the costs of not having much of an offline social life. The second one is to fight your natural tendencies to compensate a lack of face to face interactions through stuff like chatting on MySpace, and instead going out there to socialize.
As you gradually push yourself to interact more with people, your people skills improve and your social confidence with it. You experience more social freedom and more fulfilling relationships. It is only when you have the option and skills to interact with people using a wide range of channels that you can make the best social choices.
Image courtesy of HckySo
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There is no substitution for face to face interaction. Without it you not only miss out on non verbal communcation, and warmth, tone of voice, etc but hugs, touching someones hand or shoulder, the proverbial pat on the back and all the other physical gestures which accompany face to face communication. I think, although online communication is great, face to face is irreplaceable.
That’s exactly it Kate. Couldn’t have said it better myself 😉
It’s all those visual and kino things which are left out in online communication that make it more superficial.
I’m a fan of a firm foundation and I think that starts from the inside out, right in your own backyard, then goes outward from there.
Yeeeaaah!
Eduard,
This is an interesting consideration. I have found that people who are more outgoing and social in general find more use and enjoyment out of facebook and social sites. Though there are many people who utilize other sites like myspace and twitter for more informal and undisclosed relationships. I think a big concern is for teenagers who don”t take a mature approach. There can be scary consequences. Overall these sites will only get more influential, so people need to learn how to integrate them into their lives. Thanks!
Joe,
I have found a similar thing. As a corollary, people who are not very sociable may use social media sites a lot because it’s the best alternative to socializing they have. Not because it provides a great experience for them.
very well spoken, a lot of people tend to use online communications as cover-up for real time meetings which of course, most times over-shadows the real purpose of networking!
That’s what I’ve noticed 😉
I agree with you Eduard. I am a freelancer and I do not have much time chatting with my friends personally. I am working alone in my house, sometimes I need someone to talk but can’t find one on my side rather they are online. Well I am trying to get back on track like before when I am working at the office.
That’s interesting Casey, because most people get into freelancing particularly to have more time to spend with the important people in their lives. I hope you will find more time for yourself soon.
What you didn’t mention, though you had to consider is the third category. People who would love to socially interact offline but cannot. People who are battling chronic illness, who are homebound, bed bound and who cannot attend any functions much les the grocery store. Social networking and online communication is all we have and we are thankful for that. Some of us dont have a choice.