To a great extent, I’m a hedonist: I believe in doing the things you enjoy, maximizing your pleasure and not compromising pointlessly. At the same time, I notice that a lot of times, doing the things we enjoy is an ineffective way of running from the things which don’t work in our lives, a way of distracting ourselves.
What are distractions? Well, they’re pleasure-giving activities (which is good), used to shift our attentions from thoughts or facts that make us feel pain. Which can be very, very bad. Using distractions is like covering your eyes so you don’t see something you don’t want to see, or sinking your head underwater so you don’t hear something you don’t want to hear.
Very common things like listening to music, dancing, drinking, eating, sex, watching a movie, playing games, taking a vacation, even reading inspirational stuff, are all very pleasurable activities, which can also be used as distractions.
Why can using distractions be bad? Before I answer, I’ll mention the good part: there are specific contexts when using distractions can be a constructive way to handle things. For example, if you recently lost a job you had for many years, or a relationship you had for many years, the initial psychological pain will usually drop naturally, as time passes. So, some distractions can be a good way to not think about the event for a while, and then go back to the event with some distance from it. This way, you will not suffer as much.
But (there is almost always a ‘but’ with me)… more often than not, distractions are only a way of mentally running from the things you don’t like so you won’t have to deal with them. They work as a quick remedy for the suffering, without fixing the problem. As the real problem is still not addressed, your mind will constantly refocus on it, and you constantly need to fight back using distractions, which is usually either hard or impossible.
There’s more: as you use a distraction more and more, you often build tolerance to it and you need bigger doses to get the same effect. This is one way to create alcohol addicts, eating addicts, sex addicts, and yes, even partying addicts. Needles to say that because all of this, distractions are a poor long-term solutions to suffering.
The effective solution in the long run is to address the things you don’t like and get your stuff together (and I’m using a euphemism here). Practically, there are only 2 ways you can go, both typically involving personal development:
- Either you change your external reality, handle that job you’re bored with, that relationship which doesn’t work anymore, that extra weight and so on, or
- You change your internal reality, you change your expectations and beliefs, so you learn to accept the external reality and it doesn’t bother you anymore.
I don’t think one way is always best. Sometimes it’s important to take action, sometimes it’s important to let go. You will have to decide on your own which way to get your stuff together works best, depending on the specifics of your situations.
Either way, it starts here: stop and think about the things you enjoy a lot. Maybe so much that you see them as a way to ‘escape’. Could they be distractions? If the answer is yes, then what are you distracting yourself from? As you identify and address the issues in your life and get your stuff together, you become more able to do the things you enjoy independent of the distraction they provide.
[adrotate group=”5″]
Eduard –
Very interesting post. You are talking about the fundamental building blocks of Happiness – pleasure and purpose. Pleasure comes from the day to day enjoyment of life and we can find it in music, leisure, time with friends. To be really happier we also need purpose, having a longer term direction and meaning in our lives. When we have this balance, we’ll find the right pleasure that also facilitates reaching the longer term goals. I recommend Happier by Tal Ben Shahar for more on this. Thanks so much!
Phil
.-= Phil Bolton´s last blog ..Viktor Frankl – Lessons from a Concentration Camp =-.
Distractions are so hard to escape I find that it is helpful find a profit in the distraction because you will always have distractions somewhere
.-= Lloyd´s last blog ..Successfully making the call =-.
Very interesting and clear, Eduard. Yes, it seems we can either work on our external reality or our inner experience. Most of us for most of our lives work on our external circumstances. It’s hard to say which is better, but I’ve found that developing awareness, that is working on our inner experience, has a profound and lasting effect on outer circumstances, but not so much the other way around.
Very thought provoking, thanks.
.-= Kaushik´s last blog ..Divine Valentine and 2012 =-.
I did a sabbatical last year of all my communication devices and I took something really interesting from the whole project.
I stopped using all IM’s (except when at the studio) simplified all my lines of communication and even got two phones to make things more simple. All those extra things can be incredibly distracting hence the reason for letting them go and making things much more simple.
that’s a powerful question too Eduard – “what are you distracting yourself from?”
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..How To Make A Plan Come Together – Just Like The A-Team =-.
Distractions, distractions, distractions.
They have been a thorn in humanity’s backside ever since Eve got distracted by the Snake and ate the apple.
While doing anything that requires no use of the internet, I just close my browser and sometimes even turn off the wifi. That alone, allows me to get a lot more done. Try it.
.-= aDeeb´s last blog ..University Life: Survival of the Slickest. =-.
“As the real problem is still not addressed, your mind will constantly refocus on it, and you constantly need to fight back using distractions, which is usually either hard or impossible.”
This is so true with addiction. Even an exercise addiction works this way. I once worked as an addiction counselor and you see this process again and again. I also like the way you worded the two choices.
Anyone who wants to get honest with themselves can follow this plan and get on with life.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Amount Of Time Lived In Happiness & Joy =-.
@Phil – I read Happier. Positive psychology is one of my favorite disciplines. I read almost anything I can get my hands on in this area.
@Lloyd – there will always be distractions available. How we manage them is what I believe makes the difference.
@Kaushik – I have the same impression. The causal link goes more from the internal to the eternal than the other way around. This is why in personal development, I usually recommend focusing on transforming the internal.
@Amit – I’m gonna try that. I recently started by cutting down on using Facebook.
@aDeeb – Ha! I didn’t think of the Eden story for a long time 🙂
@Tess – I find it amazing how addictive we humans can be. It’s not just drugs, we can get addicted to just about anything.
I really like your examples of External and Internal reality. You are right.
If we use all the things we enjoy as distractions, we’re not really helping ourselves in the long run. But sometimes we need some distractions to help us unclutter our minds.
However, issues that never get addressed just loom and grow larger.
Nice post!
.-= ONE of THE GUYS´s last blog ..Easy Motivation =-.
You have very interesting and unique perspective on distractions.
And so rightly you said, change the ‘inner’ reality and outside shall change too. I do that always and follow the advice from ‘A Course in Miracles’
“Seek not outside or you shall fail.”
Thanks for sharing great insight.
Btw what do you think about ‘passion’ and ‘duty’? Can we term either of them as distractions?
.-= King Sidharth´s last blog ..A How-to on Hardcore Motivation =-.
@One of the guys – Distractions can help sometimes. The trick is not to use them permanently, as a tool for running away from things.
@KS- Thanks. I like uniqueness. 🙂