March 5, 2011

How to Make People Like You

Let’s face it: we’re all social animals and we want to be liked by others. That’s perfectly fine, as long as you don’t become desperate for people’s approval and feel shitty when someone doesn’t like you. It’s cool to want to know how to make people like you.

One of the central benefits of having good people skills is that you can increase your likeability factor. And the more likeable you can be my friend, the more options you have in your social life and beyond.

I’ve always been amazed by the ability to sweep people off their feet with your very presence. It’s one of the things that got me into improving my people skills more than a decade ago, and later into helping others do the same through communication coaching.

During this time, I’ve learned a thing or two on how to make people like you.

How Not To Make People Like You

girlThere is one way to make people like you that’s very popular and I’m adamantly against. That is being really nice with people and doing nice things for them all the time. Sure, you can get some people’s approval be being a nice guy or a nice girl. However, there are huge downsides to this strategy.

First of all, as many nice people exemplify, having a nice behavior towards others all the time often projects neediness and insecurity. That doesn’t make someone like you, it makes them either avoid you (if you’re lucky) or use you (if you’re unlucky).

Second of all, in order to keep people’s appreciation with this strategy, you have to keep doing nice things for them. Eventually, all the effort you put into pleasing the people in your life by being nice turns into a huge pain in the ass for you.

Want to know how to make people like you in the best way possible? Make them like you for who you are, not for what you do for them. This idea is a huge mental shift for many and it puts the focus on developing edgy people skills and a charismatic personality, not on being nice all the time.

Be a Positive Presence

It is a psychological fact that emotions are contagious, both positive and negative ones. When you can make people feel good, in a way they reward you for this by liking you.

Interestingly enough, the most effective way to make others feel good is not by giving them cheesy compliments or shallow encouragements, but by being positive yourself. Therefore, learning how to make people like you goes hand in hand with learning how to manage your emotional state.

A very helpful exercise for getting yourself in a positive state is simply faking it. You see, in your psychology, everything is connected: your thoughts, your emotions and your body. Walk, move and talk like a person feeling good and you’ll elicit that very state. You’ll feel positive because you act positive, and you’ll transmit it to others.

Share Yourself

There is some fascinating research emerging lately in the field of social psychology that points out one of the simplest and most powerful answers to how to make people like you is to open up and share yourself.

Not only that we tend to feel more comfortable with people who share themselves, but we also like them more. Thus, it’s not surprising that timid people are often not very likeable. They don’t put themselves out there.

Listening is a very important people skill to have, but so is opening up. Talk about yourself; put yourself out there in an authentic manner, even if you may find it hard at first. You’ll notice how people will grab on to what they know about you and like you more.

If you have a hard time sharing yourself, it’s probably because you lack social confidence. In this case, all I can say is watch this presentation, because you’ll learn from me in it how to overcome this problem, permanently.

Add Value in Every Conversation

There is a much better mode to add value in people’s lives than being very nice. It’s through the style you make conversation. Want you want is for people to end a conversation with you better off than they were when they started it.

There are many ways to do this. You can be the wise person who inspires others and talks about interesting things, you can be the funny person who gives a humorous spin to everything and gets people laughing.

Find the ways of adding value in conversation that fit well with your personality and develop those. Ultimately, people want to interact the most with those who can offer value, and by being a funny, witty, exciting or wise person you have an endless stream of value you can provide effortlessly.

Knowing how to make people like you permits you to develop very sharp people skills. When you can push people’s buttons through your personality, you open the doors towards a lifestyle of abundance that most people only dream of.

Image courtesy of Kam

Filed Under: People Skills, Psychology, Success Tagged With: , , , , 25 Comments
March 1, 2011

The Benefits of Coaching

In the realm of personal development, there are two things I passionately believe in: people skills as a worthy set of skills to develop and coaching as a worthy method to employ. I believe in coaching because I believe in the benefits of coaching.

Coaching can take your personal development further and faster than any other method, in whatever direction interests you. Articles, books and DVDs can all help you a lot, but in comparison with individual coaching done right, they’re like a tractor racing against a Ferrari.

The way I see it, training is also a second rate option in comparison with coaching. The more confidence coaching I do, the more I believe in the benefits of coaching and the less I believe in the effectiveness of training, which is why I now do little training.

The benefits of coaching are numerous. However, I think there are five benefits of coaching that take the cake and make coaching the ultimate personal development solution. Here they are:

1. Seeing Your Blind Spots

Often, there are critical things we simply don’t see. I call these our blind spots. We can have blind spots about the way we come across socially, the limiting beliefs we operate on, the real consequences of certain behaviors, etc.

Since you can’t change or take into consideration what you don’t see, blind spots typically keep you stuck and thwart your improvement. Well, the best way to see your blond spots is none other than individual coaching.

Some of my communication coaching clients made big leaps forward by seeing crucial blinds spots they had. Seeing one of their blind spots was occasionally so mind-blowing that it kept them awake at night. It’s quite the transformational phenomenon.

2. Choosing the Best Action Steps

Once you know what specifically you want to achieve, the key question is: How? From improving your people skills to improving your time management, from getting more dates to making more money, there are so many tools and techniques available that choosing the best ones can be a burden.

This is where good coaching comes in, as a way to determine the tools and techniques that work best and that work best for your context, your problems and your person. Thus, you can pick the right actions steps for you and make huge progress instead of running in circles.

3. Implementing Each Step Effectively

One thing I’ve realized as a confidence coach is the enormous difference between understanding an idea conceptually and applying it correctly. Most people tend to think they’re practicing a new idea properly, when in fact they aren’t.

Coaching provides a coach the opportunity to study how you’re implementing certain ideas and give you accurate feedback. Role-plays, practical exercises and debriefings are great tools in the coach’s toolbox for this.

Thus, a coach can guide you into implementing what you’re learning effectively and can ensure that you’re shifting in the right direction, that you’re evolving not just changing.

4. Taking Massive Action

Fundamentally, changing any area of your life is at most 10% theory and at least 90% practice. You won’t see real results unless you commit to taking the insights you get and the ideas you discover and acting on them.

One of the key benefits of coaching is that it can help put the focus on results and take massive action. A good coach will help you get motivated, trust your power to change, get out of your comfort zone and do considerably more than you would on your own.

5. Staying On Track

It’s convenient to say that every person is responsible for their personal development and that if you don’t stick to it, then you’re just lazy or lack willpower. But the psychological fact is that humans find it hard to stay motivated to do something, even if it’s important to them.

Even the most successful and strong-minded people can easily get distracted and they frequently procrastinate if they just rely on willpower. The good news is that you don’t need to rely on willpower alone.

Through coaching, you can get precious support in staying on track with your personal development. A coach can help you set specific goals, take action daily and remain committed to the process. You’ll make progress week by week and the cumulative progress will be huge.

One small warning in the end: Keep in mind that as effective as coaching can be as a method, it is only one part of the equation. Another important part is the coach, and you want to pick one that works in a professional manner and can help you obtain quality results.

It is only the right coach that can make the noteworthy benefits of coaching show. So if you decided to pick coaching as a personal development method, you have my congratulations. Now it’s time to pick the right coach for you.

Image courtesy of HikingArtist

Filed Under: Personal Development, Success Tagged With: , 5 Comments
February 15, 2011

What Makes a Good Manager?

Make no mistake about it: effective management is a challenge. There are many managers, but there are few good managers. I believe the foundation of becoming a good manager is, first of all, understanding what makes a good manager.

In my communication coaching work, I often help managers identify and develop key management skills. In my experience, most managers only have a vague and inaccurate idea of what makes a good manager and in what direction to take their growth.

I’ll often hear statements from managers such as: “I need to improve my communication skills”. Well, there are a lot of communication skills. Which ones specifically? This is the kind of question you can answer much better by knowing yourself and comprehending what makes a good manager.

The 6 Qualities of a Good Manager

I have pinpointed six skills that I consider essential for any person who manages people and projects. Interestingly enough, five of them are people skills. Here are the six essential skills, listed and explained:

1.  Clear Communication

As a manager, it’s crucial to aid make the flow of information clear and effective. This can be done by having a clear-cut style of communication, by using accurate words to express facts and ideas, and also assisting the people you work with to do the same.

If as a manager, you say to a member of your team “I want that sales report soon” when what you want to say is “I want that sales report tomorrow by 12PM”, you’re in trouble. A clear communication style defines good management at its roots.

2. Assertive Communication

This is one of my favorite communication skills, and for good reason: I see it as the fundamental communication skill for both managers and employees.

Assertive communication is the ability to express your thoughts, ideas, wants and emotions in a straightforward, non-hesitant way, while also being tactful and respectful of the other person.

Communicating assertively often starts with mastering the previous skill, but it goes way beyond this. It means creating a win-win blend in the communication with a wide range of individuals, which is very powerful and, unfortunately, very rare.

3. Creating a Connection

Business may ultimately be about results, but it is still an exchange between individuals and it has a very human component. Thus, an important part of what makes a good manager is their ability to connect with others, to build rapport and trust.

Good managers know how to be authentic, open and friendly with other people, especially their subordinates. They demonstrate interest in others and they can make interpersonal interactions informal and relaxed. Thus, others find it highly enjoyable to work with them or for them.

4. Integrity

This is a part of building a connection and trust that’s so important I felt the need to describe it separately. Integrity is the alignment between thoughts, words and actions. A manager with a lot of integrity is the one who says what they think and does what they say they’ll do.

As a result, the subordinated employees know they can count on their manager and it’s easy for them to trust their manager. Team transparency, constructive attitudes and performance naturally arise from there. And if you’re wondering why such conditions are so rare in many organizations, it is because high integrity is also rare.

5. Motivational Skills

No, I’m not talking about doing Tony Robbins style speeches in front of the team, although they may have their place and their worth. I’m talking about the more subtle managerial ability to understand people’s motivations and properly respond to them.

A manager with this quality is able to match the motivations and strengths with the tasks and compensations for each one of their employees. Considering the uniqueness of each employee and the structural complexity an organization can have, this is quite the skill to master.

6. Decision Making Skills

I see a big part of the manager’s role as putting together a puzzle. The pieces of the puzzle are people, tasks, goals and data. Assembling them means creating strategies, distributing tasks, supervising their execution and providing feedback.

All of these managerial activities involve a lot of decision making, and it is first-rate decision making skills that lead to the best decisions. A good manager needs to think rationally, analyze variables effectively and strategize with skill. Otherwise, when the puzzle is finished, there will still be unused pieces.

Taking into account all the qualities described above, I’m sure you realize that what makes a good manager is serious stuff. Good management is no child’s play. For this reason more than anything else, I think it’s best for managers to never get too cocky about their skills and to continually invest in their self-growth.

PS: I now blog and share advice over here. Connect with me.

Image courtesy of MyTudut

Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , 7 Comments
January 26, 2011

Are You Missing Half the Ingredients to Happiness?

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that in the end, all of the things we aim for are ways to increase our happiness and that happiness is our ultimate goal as living, breathing human beings.

It does take a bit of a genius though to achieve a high and sustainable level of happiness. Coaching others, I’ve realized that many people seriously lack in happiness because they have a bad understanding of what happiness is and what actually makes us humans in general happy. So, I’m gonna tell you.

The Two Sides of Happiness

One of probably the best things psychologists have done lately is to deconstruct happiness. Their conclusion, which I support wholeheartedly, is that although happiness has many sides to it, there are two basic ingredients that compose it.

The first ingredient is pleasure. It’s the basic, positive emotional state you get when you do certain kind of activities. We sometimes call these activities our passions. Examples of passions include: reading, writing, dancing, painting, organizing, evaluating, solving problems, talking, listening and so on.

The second ingredient is fulfillment. This is the more complex positive emotion you get when you look back at the things you have done and you find that those things are meaningful to you, because they’re aligned with your values.

Some people – such as myself – find fulfillment in helping others develop, some in making others feel happy, some in building a thing and some in creating a piece of art or poetry. Generally, we feel fulfilled when we have a contribution to something larger than ourselves.

Here Comes the Problem

In my experience the number one way people sabotage their happiness is this: going for one of the two ingredients above, while ignoring the other. Thus, two types of people are shaped, for which I have coined up names:

1. The party person. This is the person who knows how to have fun but not how to get fulfillment. Party persons do the things they’re passionate about; they typically have a lot of hobbies and they party a lot (therefore the name). However, they often end up reflecting upon their lives and feeling unfulfilled because something is missing.

2. The spiritual person. This is the person who is aware (mostly intuitively) of the importance of contribution and a higher purpose. Spiritual persons seek a higher plain of living and they stick to their key values. However, in their strict spiritual journey, they often work themselves like a mule and they forget to have some fun.

Of course, there is also a third type of people who don’t go after pleasure or fulfillment and they pretty much gave up on life, but I don’t even want to talk about them.

The Complete Life

By this point you probably already know where I’m going: you can only have a truly happy life if you:

  • Acknowledge both sides of happiness, pleasure and fulfillment, and
  • You seek to balance them out in your life.

Me, I love public speaking. When I’m doing a speech and I’m in front all those people dissecting a topic I’m knowledgeable about (such as people skills), I feel very good. At the same time, after a speech, I have this perception of having helped those people in the audience open new doors in their lives and I also feel fulfilled.

It is the mix of pleasure and fulfillment that’s key. I believe that what you want to do is combine activities that give you pleasure with activities that give you fulfillment every day. Better yet, find activities that give you both and spend as much time as possible doing those kinds of activities.

Get out there and wisely make the best of it. If life is worth living, life is worth living right.

Image courtesy of BoSquidley

Filed Under: Inspirational, Psychology, Success Tagged With: , , , , 12 Comments
January 21, 2011

The Bold Guide to a Fast Track Career

If patience is not one of your virtues and you have a strong desire for success, than a fast track career is for you. As a matter a fact, I barely meet anyone who doesn’t crave a fast track career, in which they can grow like a kid on steroids.

Well, a kid on steroids is not a healthy thing, but a fast track career, provided it grows organically, is. I know plenty of people who were successful managers by 25, top managers in Fortune 500 companies by 29 and flourishing entrepreneurs at 33.

It can be done and there is a recipe for it. Here are the key ingredients, from my perspective, of a fast track career.

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

I find that most people start off with big career dreams, but they forget about them quickly enough. They get distracted by the comfort a safe and warm job, the free cookies and the company teambuilding programs, and career progress stops being a mental priority for them.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a coach is that once something stops being a mental priority, you pretty much stop working towards achieving it. This is the sad little story of the careers millions of people have.

If you want to have a fast track career, it’s essential to keep your eyes on the prize and never forget your goals. Enjoy the benefits a particular job, but don’t let them sidetrack you: mentally, emotionally or behaviorally.

Don’t Stay In One Place Too Long

The people who make really fast progress in their career and get to a place most only dream of, all have one key trait in common: they are predators.

They don’t let anything keep them in one place for long. When they’ve learned a job, they immediately seek advancing in the company. If they discover they can’t advance in the company, they immediately start looking for another company. They act fast, they move fast and they are ferocious about it.

Fast trackers don’t let senseless norms keep them from moving forward. In my experience, this is in huge contrast with the behavior of the average employee, who will bitch about a job with no growth potential but will stay in it for years.

This doesn’t mean fast trackers have no ethics. If a company invests in them for two years and helps them become top professionals, smart fast trackers know to pay their dues. However, once their dues are paid, they seek the bigger better thing without delay.

Put Your Needs First

The fundamental thing that stops most people from being predators and having a fast track career is that they care too much about the needs and opinions of others and they put those first. Thus, they sacrifice their own goals to help the team, to not seem selfish and so on.

If you want to make fast career progress, it is essential to learn how to gain confidence and put your needs first, without ignoring the needs of others. This is commonly referred to as assertiveness, and it is one of the essential life and people skills to master.

Probably the most important part in becoming assertive is a mental leap: realizing that you do not exist in this world primarily to serve others, but to serve yourself and make the most out of your life.

 

This is not bad or immoral, it is the mature and healthy attitude that people with self-respect have. It is also the way to fast career progress.

Image courtesy of EdoM Photography

Filed Under: Attitude, Career, Success Tagged With: , , , , 6 Comments
December 2, 2010

Why Your Job Sucks

Many of my coaching clients are looking to improve something in their careers.

Some of them like their jobs and they just want to take it up a notch, some of them will tell my plainly at the first coaching session: “My job sucks; I want your help to get better at finding a better one, so I can get the hell out of there”.

My experience is that in the careers of many people, there is a big gap between the kind of job they want and the kind they have. Those big dreams they had somewhere in adolescence simply aren’t turning into reality.

If this is your case, I want to take the time and explain from my perspective why this is happening to you. In my communication coaching, I see certain causes manifest over and over gain. Here they are:

1. You Have No Clue What You Want

Unless you’re one lucky SOB, it’s practically impossible to have an extraordinary job if you don’t know what you want. When you don’t know what you want, you’re like a ship adrift being taken left and right be the wind of the moment. This is exactly what happens to numerous people.

I’m not going to say “try harder to figure out what you want”, that would be pretentious. I will say this though: “Try better!” Asking yourself “What do I want?” is usually not enough to get an unambiguous answer. Take a good personality test, get a 360 degrees feedback, ask yourself more specific questions or work with a coach.

2. You’re Head over Heals in Debt

Here’s a very ‘smart’ career move I repeatedly see people doing: You end up in a job where you earn a decent salary and immediately, you take a huge loan in order to buy a big house, a car, a second car, a huge fucking plasma TV and so on.

However, a few years later, once you get over the excitement of the money you’re making, you realize that you actually hate the job you’re in, it offers you no satisfaction it itself, and you want to change your professional field. The only problem is that you’re so far up in debt that you can’t afford the initial financial drop implied by a career change. Really smart Sherlock!

3. You Do Not Take Risks

Getting to a job you find truly fulfilling involves some bold moves. I’m talking about moves such as: quitting a job, asking for a raise, negotiating hard, saying no to a tempting offer, taking on new responsibilities, failing, exposing yourself to uncertainty or putting your foot in the door.

I find that most people are not willing to take the risks associated with these moves. They want to play it safe and make it big at the same time. Well, if this applies to you, I have some disappointing news: life doesn’t work that way. You need to take some risks if you want to get anywhere.

4. You Don’t Know How to Promote Yourself

This is something I keep saying ever since I started working as a communication coach: your professional skills are basically worth nothing if you don’t know how to sell yourself with high impact. It’s a skill required with your boss, your clients and potential future employers.

Promoting yourself is one of the critical people skills for career success. Many people discover this the hard way: by hitting a wall prematurely in their careers which prevents them from moving forward. The sooner you start consciously developing the people skill of promoting yourself, the better it will be for your career and your life.

Each one of these for reasons can be broken down into smaller ones. For example, some people have problems selling themselves at interviews, some at promoting themselves through networking. I’ll leave it to you to discover the nuances of your context.

I firmly believe that we now live in the best world we as human beings have ever lived. There are more opportunities than ever for you to have a prosperous and exciting career. It all starts with taking control of your own steering wheel.

Image courtesy of rashdanothman

Filed Under: Career, Inspirational, Success Tagged With: , , 5 Comments
November 23, 2010

Why General Culture Is Bullshit

It cracks me up to see so many people who think that having a good general culture is a crucial thing. They believe they should know all sorts of stuff on a wide range of subjects including literature, art, history, geography and politics.

Personally, I couldn’t have a poorer general culture (although I do tend to create the peculiar impression that I know a lot of stuff). My standard answer to a question such as “When did Napoleon invade Russia?” is, depending on my mood, either “On a beautiful morning” or “Don’t know, don’t care”.

Furthermore, as I don’t try to improve in this area, you can imagine I don’t give general culture a lot of value, as opposite to the high value I give good people skills. Here’s why:

General Culture Is Not Practical Knowledge

Most of the knowledge considered to be a part of your general culture has a practical use that stops at superficial conversation. Beyond that, there isn’t much you can do with it. When did knowing the best neoclassical painters practically help for someone, apart from a guide in an art museum?

Sure, there are principles and concepts in various fields that are of practical use to us in everyday life. I believe it’s good to know about the Pareto Principle or the best social media websites. However, that’s not the kind of knowledge general culture is mostly about.

Skills Trample Knowledge

I think I say something like this almost every day: quit reading; start doing! Even practical knowledge has little value if it’s not assimilated and developed into a skill or an attitude. This assimilation process is not based on reading, it’s based on practicing.

It is your skills and attitudes that make you a successful professional, a charismatic person or a great leader; not your general culture. And developing skills effectively means, in my experience, about 5% absorbing information and 95% applying it repeatedly.

This is why it doesn’t surprise me that the most cultured people I know are fairly unsuccessful.

General Culture Makes Boring Conversation

Have you taken part lately in a conversation on German poetry or something like that? Whenever I am, my mind is screaming: “Get me out of here!” and I obey it. It’s no wonder that such conversations are habitually called ‘small talk’.

I find that a conversation on a particular subject in the area of general culture is only interesting if all the persons involved have a strong interest and thirst for knowledge on that particular subject. This, of course, rarely happens. Like it on not, many people would rather discuss relationships than the political system in Ethiopia.

If You Think It Makes You Interesting, You’re in for a Big Surprise

Another idea I consider outdated is that demonstrating a vast general culture will impress others, because it is a very attractive trait.

First of all, the only people you’re gonna truly impress are my grandma and her girlfriends. Secondly, if you want to play this angle, there are a lot more attractive traits than knowing a lot of shit. Consider traits like wits, confidence, people skills and authenticity; these are the ones that give you an edge in social interactions.

It Gets Worse

That part of me that provides communication coaching for a living can’t help but notice that many times, using your general culture as the base in making conversation is a way of hiding oneself. If you’re talking about stuff, you’re not talking putting yourself out there. That doesn’t make you charming, it makes you boring.

I’m sure that at one point in our history, knowing the history of many countries was a very important thing. I suspect it was a way to separate the upper class from the common people who didn’t even have access to that kind of knowledge.

Today on the other hand, general culture, at least in the traditional way of defining it, doesn’t do squat for you. Maybe that’s a sign we need to either leave this concept behind, or reinvent it.

Image courtesy of practicalowl

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Success Tagged With: , , 27 Comments
November 18, 2010

10 Effective Communication Tips from 10 Awesome Online Communicators

In the past year, I’ve had the privilege of interacting with some of the best online communicators and personal development bloggers out there.

What impressed me the most about them is this: not only do they share wisdom about career, success, life, and people skills, but they do so in a high-impact communication style, built around their unique personalities.

Therefore, I’ve asked 10 awesome online communicators I know to provide some insights into both online and offline communication, by answering one fundamental question:

What is one key lesson about effective communication that you’ve learned?

The following are their answers.

Mars Dorian

Blog: Mars Dorian; Follow Mars on Twitter

The most important thing that I have learned is to appeal to people’s self-interest. This doesn’t sound very romantic, but it rocks beyond belief. Walking in the shoes of the person I’m communicating with is super-helpful. I always ask myself: Why should they care? What’s in it for them?

And whenever I follow this principle, I enjoy a conversation that is both high quality and valuable. Find a common ground which rocks for both of you. If you do, you are in for a treat!

Dragos Roua

Blog: Dragos Roua; Follow Dragos on Twitter

Listening is the key, if you want to communicate effectively. Listening to what your partner is saying, not to what you’re hearing. Many of the messages we get are unconsciously filtered by our own life experiences. Take a step back, look at yourself from a distance and you’ll have a better understanding of the conversation.

Listen to yourself also. Maybe you want to say something but your brains are just cheating on you. Stay there, be in the moment and pay attention to what you are saying. Truth is, a big part of our conversation “noise” is self-generated. So, the more you clean up your own lenses, the clearer the conversation you’ll generate will be.

Dirk De Bruin (Diggy)

Blog: Upgrade Reality; Follow Diggy on Twitter

I feel that effective communication is about simplicity and specific instructions or details. The less words you need to use and the less complicated those words are to bring your point across, the easier other people will understand. If something is easy to comprehend, people will pay attention and are more likely to engage with you or become your follower.

Also, the more specific you are, the better it is. Vagueness brings about confusion which is bad for effective communication (although it can be good for marketing purposes).

Steven Aitchison

Blog: Change Your Thoughts; Follow Steve on Twitter

The one key lesson I have learned about communicating online is to write how you speak.

Readers want to read writing that is genuine, and comes from the heart. They don’t mind the informal tone, a few missing commas, a few swear words here and there, as long as it comes from the heart.

We live in a world where everything has to be perfect for it to be any good, but when readers come across writing that is from the heart, passionate, and helpful it is like talking with a real person.

The art of being human is being lost to the art of being perfect. I am not perfect; my readers know this, so why pretend to be perfect. When I come across writing that is genuine, is from the heart and downright honest, I subscribe immediately. We want to read about writers who are doing extraordinary things, and we want to know that we can be extraordinary too – genuine communication can achieve this.

Annabel Candy

Blog: Get In The Hot Spot; Follow Annabel on Twitter

I used to teach English as a foreign language. Often I’d teach students from different countries with no language in common. It’s amazing how much you can communicate with people using only facial expressions, images and gestures. But when we communicate online, usually conversational clues like facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice have been removed so we need to make sure our writing and meaning is very clear.

Use simple language online and short sentences to get important information over fast. Good communication is about being clear and leaving no room for misunderstanding. Don’t expect your readers to be mind readers. If you want them to take certain actions like leaving a comment, telling a friend about your blog or giving you a call to make an appointment you need to remind them to do so using short, clear and simple language. Your readers will love you for it and by making your message easier to understand you make it easier for people to share too.

Jonny Gibaud

Blog: The Life Thing; Follow Jonny on Twitter

We were given two ears and one mouth, this was not a mistake. Good communication is about actively listening twice as much as you talk.

Matthew Needham

Blog: The Big Red Tomato Company; Follow Matthew on Twitter

To my mind creating high impact communication is all about consistency. Not only in verbal communications, but also in images, videos etc. For example, it is no good promoting yourself as a clean living health guru, when your Facebook page and YouTube videos would suggest otherwise.

Too many people and organizations say one thing, but do another. Take Enron. Enron had the values of communication, respect, integrity and excellence which were posted on its website and its corporate corridors, but history shows us, no one believed them because no one followed them. If your readers or employees don’t see a consistent message, then you won’t get the results you’re expecting.

Srinivas Rao

Blog: The Skool of Life; Follow Srini on Twitter

The Power of Effective Listening: One of the biggest criticisms I received in the early days of interviewing people was that I didn’t listen. I would interrupt the guests on my podcast. I’d be eager to talk about my own ideas. I even got a comment from somebody once that said “god…you’re eager to talk about yourself.” In my own insecurity I trashed the comment. Fortunately I also took it to heart because I did want to improve.

Today BlogcastFM interviews have turned out to be valuable resource for bloggers and people say that I tend to get a ton of information about people in a really short amount of time. That all comes down to listening. If you just shut up and listen, people will tell you everything you want to know. In the 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene said that the person who is saying the least is a much more powerful communicator. So shut up for a while, and you’ll be amazed at what happens. (I know, ironic coming from one of the chattiest personalities in the blogosphere).

Farnoosh Brock

Blog: Prolific Living; Follow Farnoosh on Twitter

It’s not easy to pinpoint a single lesson on effective communication when so much goes into mastering this skill. Nonetheless, if I had to pick, the key lesson I have learned is to know and understand your audience, small or large, single person or a crowded room. You need to shape your message, your tone of voice, your delivery and your style to the particulars of that audience for the most effective results.

Learn about the needs and desires of your audience. Understand what is important to them. Listen carefully to them. Watch for cues and gestures and expressions they send. Then adjust your communication style to the sum of these attributes and you will be surprised by how well-received you shall be.

Arvind Devalia

Blog: Make It Happen; Follow Arvind on Twitter

The key lesson about effective communication that I have learned is to be authentic and to come from the heart.

People really get it when I am being totally present, honest and vulnerable and when I am willing to show them my human side. At the end of the day, they want to know that I am also just another human being like them with my own challenges, shortcomings and quirks, rather than some high-achieving superman. This of course applies to both my online writing and in my face to face interactions.

To summarize, there is no secret really to effective communication – just be yourself, be authentic and be willing to be vulnerable.

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So there you have it folks: 10 lessons about clarity, simplicity, priority, consistency and authenticity as ways towards effective communication. If you want to find out more from these fine bloggers, I encourage you to follow them on Twitter and to check out their blogs.

Image courtesy of joshfassbind

Filed Under: Communication Skills, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , , , , 21 Comments
November 14, 2010

What Do You Do For a Living? The Better Way to Answer

“What do you do for a living?” – I ask him eager to do some chill networking. As I say this, my mind is automatically thinking: “Here comes another crappy answer I’ll have to work with”.

You might say that’s pessimistic of me; I say it’s more of an educated guess. It’s not that they’re not a lot of people out there with interesting jobs they’re passionate about. It’s just that they haven’t learned or haven’t considered the people skill of talking about them in a powerful way.

You see, answering “What do you do for a living?” in a stylish way is a great method to get the other person interested in the conversation, in your person, and to brand yourself. As a communication coach, there are a number of things I find important in answering this question.

Use a Suggestive Title for What You Do

It’s not important to use the exact job title in your job description in a conversation, even if it’s a business conversation. I sometimes meet a person who according to the JD is an ‘Executive Assistant’, but their job is much more of an HR job. ‘HR Assistant’ works a lot better as a title for them.

The point is to use a job title that realistically reflects the nature of the things you do in your job or the type of impact you have.

There is one answer to “What do you do for a living” that I find particularly bad: “I’m a consultant”. That doesn’t tell me shit about your job! They’re a zillion consultants out there.

Be Memorable

Some titles, they may be suggestive for what you do, but they simply aren’t remarkable in any way. Of course, there are plenty of ways to be memorable; you don’t need to desperately seek being memorable through your job title, but it is certainly a big bonus, especially in jobs where personal branding matters the most.

This is why I encourage you to use a memorable title for your job. Alain Cardon could have called himself a ‘Life Coach’, but he calls himself a ‘Breakthrough Catalyst’. Mars Dorian could have called himself a ‘Blogger’ but he calls himself a ‘Digital Crusader’. These are the kind of titles that stand out and they stick.

Follow-Up with an Exciting Explanation

After you’ve said your job title to answer the question, do not stop there. A title may be cool, suggestive and sexy, but it’s still only a title.

You want to do is continue with a short and powerful description of your job. Again, it’s important to remain clear and memorable. Some things to consider adding to this description are:

  • What you do exactly. Ex: “I speak on the area of Customer Service at conferences all over the world”.
  • What practical benefit you create: Ex: “I help organizations improve they way they interact with their customers and increase customer loyalty”.
  • Why what you do is important for you. Ex: “I believe that good results start with good customer service”.

But Eduard, What If I Have a Job I Hate and I Don’t Want to Talk About?

For this not so uncommon scenario, the first significant thing I can tell you is that you’d better at least have an aim for a different career and know what that career is.

Based on this, when you answer the question you can name your current job and then quickly move on to talking about the job you’re aiming for.

You may say something like: “I now work as a Sales Agent in an FMCG company, but I’m training to become a Career Coach. I have a passion for helping people find their way”.

The more you master your people skills and the better you present yourself, the more you “attract” all sorts of remarkable people and breathtaking career opportunities. And it often all starts with answering in style one simple question.

Image courtesy of Lucid Dreams

Filed Under: Career, People Skills, Success Tagged With: , , , , , 14 Comments