This article is written at the invitation of fellow blogger Abubakar Jamil, as part of the Life Lessons Series. You can find out more about this project and the people involved on his blog.
It’s a very enjoyable activity for me to look back at my life so far, at the experiences I had, to reflect on them and to draw lessons. It’s something I do periodically, in a systematic, pen & paper way, and something I encourage everyone to do.
As I’m doing this process now, there are 3 very valuable life lessons which stand out. They go beyond improving people skills and they’re the lessons I want to share with you.
Life Lesson 1: Your weaknesses are your strengths.
When I was a teenager, I was frequently described as ‘annoying’ because I asked a lot of questions and always wanted details about things I didn’t quite understand. The result of this was that I started asking questions about why it’s bad to ask a lot of questions. I never got a satisfying answer, but I also didn’t want to annoy people so I ended up shutting up a lot more.
As time passed and I got seriously into psychology, I began to see all the potential benefits of my tendencies to ask a lot of questions. I was basically an analytical person, which enjoyed decoding various phenomena. So instead of repressing this side of my personality, I decided to express it and find the best ways to do so.
Now, the fact I ask a lot of questions is what makes me have a good understanding of how people skills work; get a good grasp of my clients’ needs and provide real results through my coaching services. I still annoy some people, but I don’t mind that anymore. I know that if I look in perspective, my weakness is my strength.
Life Lesson 2: Perfectionism kills productivity.
I started writing at the same time I started coaching. I remember that it took me then almost 4 hours to write a one page article related to people skills which I now write in less than 2 hours. Part of this visible increase in my writing speed is due to the fact my writing skills have improved a lot in the passing years, and part is due to the fact I stopped being a perfectionist about my writing.
When I was writing articles for the first time, I felt this need to make them look perfect. I wanted the perfect structure, style, words and ideas every time. Later, I realized that perfection was not necessary. My readers wanted very good writing and high quality ideas (this made them read my stuff and buy my other services) but they did not require perfection.
By being a perfectionist about my writing, I was using a lot of time for each article, without a significant increase in the benefits to justify it. So, I gradually started to tolerate imperfection and give less time to each article. I continued to have a high standard in my writing, but I no longer sought perfection. Because perfectionism was killing my productivity.
Life Lesson 3: Hope is not enough, you need a good strategy.
This is a lesson which fortunately for me, I’ve learned mostly from the experiences of other persons around me. I say fortunately because it was a lesson learned mostly through big failures and loses.
I have seen people in my professional network lose a lot of money and fail miserably with all sorts of business ideas. And most of the time, these people had one thing in common: they weren’t applying realistic business strategies. They had a lot of hope and optimism, but no real understanding what it takes to make their business ideas work. They were very slow to learn from their mistakes, to develop their strategies, and so they’ve made businesses plummet.
I have seen this happen beyond managing a business, in managing a career or a life. And it’s the same pattern: hope is good but it is not enough. At the end of the day, you need to know what the heck you’re doing and have a solid strategy to reflect it. Hope is a good companion, but not a replacement for competence.
These are my 3 life lessons. What are your most important life lessons?
Image courtesy of Paco Alcantara
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Eduard,
Thank you for your contribution my friend. I am happy to include it in the Life Lessons Series.
I strongly relate with your 2nd lesson.
My pleasure Abubakar. I’m glad to be a part of the project and to spread the news about it. I think the Life Lessons Series is a great idea. And it gives me some ideas as well.
Hello Eduard,
No 2 really resonates with me, although I am improving in this area. I would often put things off because I thought I couldn’t do them perfectly, now I just think sod it, give it a go! Yes there are things I mess up but I do so much, I get more things right too!
Hi Kate. I can relate with this. Perfectionism used to be one of my main reasons for procrastinating. I lacked the motivation to start something if I couldn’t do it perfectly, the first time.
Perfectionism kills productivity … way too true.
I’ve had to learn how to “satisfice” to get things done and set boundaries and limits … as well as treat perfection as a path or journey, not a destination.
The word, ‘sacrifice’. is soooo suggestive to me. Because that’s how it feels when you are a perfectionist. When you stop being one, it’s investing, not sacrificing.
Great lessons here. I see great value in asking questions and truly understanding things. When you do you are able to use it to help you out in many ways and help share your own experiences with others.
That alone creates great relationships that can last and bring about new outstanding ideas.
My three life lessons:
1. Dream big.
2. Plan out a way to get there (setting goals).
3. Take immediate action each day on even one thing.
4. Each success and failure I celebrate and learn from.
5. Keep going and mark my success so I have something great to build upon.
6. Rince and repeat.
7. Enjoy it all and care about helping everyone I can to live a great life.
Hey Eric,
Thanks for sharing your (aham) 3 life lessons. Number 5 is a good reminder for me.
There is no way we can be perfect.But if we put our heart into the activity at hand. And we speak from a place of soul and honesty mixed with genuine sincerity. It beats out all those law students who know everything but do nothing. It beats all those people who get into things for money and not to help others. It beats all those who preach dream big but have more barriers around there mind than Riker’s Island has prison walls.
Its about what we do with our heart. Its the best way to feel out a situation and divide the negativities up until they are erased from our memories.
Sorry I forgot to say great post…lol =)
Jonathan,
I don’t even know what perfect means anymore. It’s such a vague concept. One more reason why needing to be perfect seems insane to me.
PS: Thx!
I have to ask.. why is productivity so important? I mean, I think there’s a hole craze around the world about doing more things, buying more stuff, simply having more.. Aren’t we all materialistic enough already? Shouldn’t we promote doing things from passion and dedication, trying to always push our boundaries, to give it all we got?.. I found an online course the other day about how to write a book in two weeks and one of the first ideas presented there was that it’s not really important how good your work is, you just have to get it out there first so no one “steals” your ideas. And I couldn’t help but think.. is that all that matters? The race? Being the first one to do something? I mean, are we really that superficial these days?..
It’s in the nature of the word – perfectionism.. It suggests that there is something that needs perfecting, something you’re not sure about, which requires additional practice and attention.
Maybe you didn’t lose your perfectionism, but simply gained more confidence in what you’re doing – confidence based on gaining lots of experience and receiving constant appreciation of your work. Like you already know the drill and some things become second nature and you’ve developed a kind of instinct and don’t have to second guess your every word.
Come to think of it, two hours for a post isn’t necessarily that fast, as it is way over the actual physical time required to write something of similar size. I honestly think that you take much care and put a lot of soul in everything that you do. And I say this in the most appreciative way possible.
I think the world suffers from an aggressive lack of confidence, not too much perfectionism.. We should probably all have more faith in our abilities and enough guts to take more risks..
Anyway, nice ideas, thnx! >:D<
Hi Ioana,
What productivity means to me is not doing more, but doing more in less time. Even when you enjoy what you’re doing. It’s not about accumulating, but about freeing up time, which is the ultimate resource.
I do put a lot of soul into what I write. I write about what interests me. I’m glad you can tell.
In response to Lesson Number 2, I think better writing simply comes from MORE writing. The more you write, the more you read, the more you will read, the more you will write, the better you will write.
Nothing can substitute a blog sucking for a few years before the writer has some genius epiphany and becomes a machine! Some people start right off as good writers, others don’t, others will never realize they can be good because they don’t want to.
Thanks for you article.
Hey Mathieu,
I certainly give a lot of credit to practice in improving ones writing skills. But I think there’s more to it than that: the best improvement comes when we practice the right way, we get feedback and we adapt.
My important life lesson is very close to your 3rd lesson – that love, and optimism is not enough to get through life, in short love doesn’t conquer all. To live life with joy, we need more than cliques and quotes. We need wisdom, and to acquire it requires hard work and a systematic way of learning truths about life, whether it’s reading spirituality books, meditating, reading philosophical blogs, daily self-examination, etc. Life is a rigged game, but it doesn’t have to be one filled with nihilism and pessimism. But to get the other side requires a lot of hard work, and simple statements like “Love is all you need”, or “Love conquers all” is not enough.
Hey that’s a great lesson! ‘Love is all you need’ may sound good and noble as an idea, but in my experience, a statement like that is one-sided and doesn’t really pass the test of real life.
Hi Eduard,
I strongly agree to the lessons which you have mentioned. Regarding point no. 2, I have a question to you, looking at the most successful sportspeople, show-men, authors, celebrities, whom we all try to emulate, role-modelize, they all are perfect isnt it? They all are always perfectionizing their past near perfect performances.
Productivity is a management idea of survival but dont you think perfection is the one big idea of going into the big league?
Look at authors, not every one wins a Booker or a Nobel. Some authors write only to make a living, some write and get acclaim. What differentiates a mediocre from the excellence is perfection.
Looking for your opinion
Hey Pallav,
I think there is a subtle yet fundamental difference between aiming high and aiming at being perfect. Even the most successful people in the world are not perfect, they are just very very good.
I also think there is more to reaching that level of success than just aiming high. It has a lot to do with continuous incremental improvement and with matching your field with your top natural strengths. Perfectionism won’t get you there and if it will, it probably won’t allow you to be HAPPY.
Of the three tips Edward, my personal favorite is that hope is not enough, you need a good strategy. I know a handful of people who would subscribe to the idea that you should just let things be in life and that everything in its own time will fall into the right place. While I do not doubt this philosophy, I also do not see anything wrong in having a good strategy in place. As I always believe, no one will make your life what you desire it to be. If you would sit down and hope that things fell into place, you might risk waiting your entire lifetime without nothing happening. So here is what I think, while waiting get busy doing something to fasten the break you are waiting for. That certainly won’t hinder it when it comes.
Hey Tito,
I think many things do fall into place on their own if you create the context for them to fall into place. So we do need to do that initial work and use our head in it.